Prayer and Bruises
by ca choel
Summary: Starts a bit after Jack disappears. Owen/Ianto, Toshiko/OC implied Janto. Inspired by indiefagg0t, formerly That Crazy Emo Girl.
1. Wooden Pews

A young Owen Harper slid his fingers over the carved, thick wooden designs on the armrest of the pew. He didn't hear much of the words being spoken by the priest. He could smell his mum's sticky perfume, which could never fully mask the stink of alcohol and nicotine. Maybe if she stayed home more and took care of him, he'd have grown more accustomed to the smell.

Owen tucked his short legs underneath the pew bench, hiding his ancient dirty shoes from the tithe collectors. He shot his mum a glance when she emptied a few bills into the collection tray. She glared back, and then twisted her lips into a mocking smile, a shadow of the loving mouth he saw in faded photographs at home. Owen stuck his lip out, pouting silently as the old man droned on.

He pushed his fingers into the wooden pew, eyeing the engraving of a dark blooming flower. The clothes he wore weren't even his. They were nicked from the coat closet in the hallway. The sleeves stopped inches before his wrists, white shirt bunching up around his skinny waist. He didn't have a belt to hold up the trousers, which were at least two sizes big on him.

Owen folded his arms over his thin chest, tucking his head down. He thought of the words his schoolteacher once told him, silly words about how to pray. Owen shut his eyes and mouthed the words, saying the only prayer he knew, wishing he knew how to pray for the service to end, or for things to go back to 'the good old days', the days his mum said died when Owen was born.

"Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread;" Owen whispered, trying desperately to remember what came next. Maybe if he just learned the rest of the prayer, God would finally hear him.

* * *

Owen jerked out of his daydream to see Ianto set a full coffee mug down on his desk. "Thanks." He mumbled, trying to shake the memories and nostalgic smells from his mind. Ianto seemed surprised by the verbalized appreciation. "You're welcome, Owen." He murmured, taking a moment longer than usual to turn and walk away. Owen stared after him, imagining he could see the weight of betrayal and desperate hope on Ianto's shoulders. Ianto hadn't been the same since Jack's disappearance. There was something in his eyes, something cold and chilling.

Owen shivered, pushing the sleeves of his lab coat down farther. It was unusual for him to pick up on something like that, in a person so accustomed to hiding their feelings from him. Owen picked up the warm mug as he stood, walking down into the med bay. It was about time he started dissecting the latest specimen.

Tosh leaned over the railing, watching as Owen slid the alien out of storage, setting up his instruments so he'd be ready to work once the body thawed out a bit. "Owen, there's a small rift spike, probably nothing unusual, but ever since I recalibrated the rift sensor, it's been jumping at even the slightest blip on the radar. You want to come check it out?" She asked.

Owen set the scalpel down, cocking his head as he looked at the shriveled up carcass on the autopsy table. "Can't you take Gwen?" He asked, swallowing the rest of his coffee in a few gulps. It burned his throat, but was definitely worth it. "She hasn't come in yet. Owen, I know you've been sleeping here some nights, but it doesn't give you the right to delegate every responsibility you don't enjoy to Gwen. Since when have you preferred working on cold bodies to fieldwork, anyway? It'll give you a chance to get out. It's not even raining today." Tosh went on.

Owen shrugged his shoulders, packing up the instruments he'd taken out. "Fine, tell teaboy we'll be back in an hour, keep his comm on." Owen shoved the body unceremoniously back into storage. He pulled his gloves off, lazily changing out of his white lab coat and into his leather jacket.

"Thank you, Toshiko, I'll have hot chocolate ready by the time the two of you get back." Ianto made a small smile, glad to have to place to himself for a little while. Maybe he could get a little cleaning done, focus on something besides how quiet it was without Jack here. "Oh, Owen believed me when I told him it's a nice day out. Has he even seen the snow out there? How many days have the two of you been living down here?" Tosh demanded to know. Ianto's face fell. "You know how many weevils have been out lately. We've had to stay here for the last week to keep an eye on the rift as well. You know what it's like without Ja-" Ianto caught himself.

He dropped his gaze, not wanting to see Toshiko's sympathetic expression. He felt her hand on his shoulder. "Sorry, Ianto." She let go, turning to go with Owen, leaving Ianto alone in the Hub.

"What the Hell, I thought you said it was a nice day! It's a bloody blizzard!" Owen snarled at Toshiko. She laughed, the sound muffled by her scarf. Owen hadn't even dressed properly for this weather. His face was red and speckled with snowflakes. The look he was giving her was definitely worth the cold.

"I pinpointed the site of the rift spike; it's just a couple blocks. We won't need the SUV, and I thought you could use the exercise." Owen could barely hear her through the ridiculous scarf covering half her face. "Tosh you know I can't understand a word you say when you're wearing that thing." Owen was jealous of the warmth, but wasn't about to put on the extra she had offered him. He wasn't going to compromise his pride for a bit of warmth.

* * *

It was two hours before they got back. Ianto was scrubbing the floor of the medbay with a combination of at least six different cleaning products. He'd seen Owen spill alien fluids all over the floor last night, and wasn't too keen on imagining all the different breeds of extraterrestrial bacteria that could be growing there. He straightened up when he heard the cog door open, Owen growling and spewing a few obscenities at Toshiko.

"…could've warned me these things sting you." "Owen it's a fucking Jellyfish, you're a doctor, couldn't you have figured that out yourself?" "Well if we'd brought the SUV we wouldn't be so bloody frozen, and I'd have had something to pick it up with besides my bare hands! Besides, it's a Jellyfish from another universe or some shit like that." "Well maybe if you hadn't been living in the Hub for the last month, you'd have been paying more attention to the weather! Or you could've put on gloves and a scarf when I told you to!" "I thought you said it was a fucking NICE DAY!" Owen roared, stomping down the steps to the med bay and dropping a two foot jellyfish onto the autopsy table.

"This weighs a fucking ton." He complained, not even noticing that Ianto was still kneeling on the floor, scrub brush in his hand. Owen walked back to the stairs to shrug his coat off and nearly walked straight into him, Ianto's face awkwardly level with Owen's crotch. "Oh, 'scuse me mate, didn't see ya there." Owen sidestepped, throwing his coat at the stairwell, rubbing his cold hands together.

Ianto got to his feet, picking up the cleaning supplies. "I'll go heat up that hot chocolate. No sense in you trying to start on that before your hands warm up." Ianto remarked, walking away. Owen swore at the jellyfish, examining the raw, red marks from the stings its tentacles had left on his arms. He decided he didn't really need medical attention. He'd seen this species before, they weren't deadly or anything, just painful. And he'd been much too lazy to figure out any sort of ointment to give relief to Jack the last time they'd found fish like this.

Owen eyed up the cabinet filled with medications, wishing he could give himself just a little morphine to numb the pain. If only he wasn't expected to somehow pull this team together, he'd have set himself up an IV already. Instead he shoved the jellyfish carcass into a body bag and shoved it into storage, next to the alien he'd meant to dissect before he left.

Ianto marched back into the med bay, tossing Owen a blanket, setting coffee down on the step. "Rift's gone quiet again. Gwen called in sick. She says she can't get the door open anyways, what with all the snow. Part of the city's shut down. The weather report calls for more snow tonight." Ianto said, beginning to walk up the stairs. "It's getting late, so Toshiko's staying in. She's taken the bunk room, so that just leaves the couch." Ianto walked up the stairs.

Owen snatched up the blanket, wrapping himself in it, snagging the hot chocolate as he followed Ianto up the stairs. "Why didn't you tell me it was snowing?" Owen whined, not bothering to make up any response to Ianto's report, or thank him for the drink and blanket. "I thought you went home last night." Ianto lied. He was keenly aware of every night that Owen spent in the Hub. He wondered how long it had been since the medic had actually gone home to his flat. "You know the pub's been shut down since the last inspection they had. Something about standards and cleanliness and disturbing the peace."

Owen kicked his shoes off, sitting down at the furthest end of the couch, wrapping the blanket around himself, holding the hot chocolate close. It was making him drowsy. He put his feet up on the couch, leaning into it, facing Ianto. Ianto sat down on the other side of the couch, in a similar position, taking the time to unlace his shoes and take off his coat and pressed white shirt. He wrapped himself in his own blanket, turning to face Owen.

"You know I'm a bit hungry." Owen murmured, eyes half closed already, head resting against the couch. "You're an adult now, Owen. I'm not your mother." Ianto reminded him gently. Owen scoffed, eyes opening to meet Ianto's. "You're right about that." He agreed, smiling. He drank the hot chocolate, remembering there was some sugar cereal in his desk somewhere. He'd have to wait for morning to get up. No way was he leaving the warm couch and blanket to satisfy his growling stomach.

Ianto quickly changed from slacks into sweatpants, then stretched out on the couch, still sitting up, legs extending to Owen's side of the couch. Owen eyed him suspiciously. "I still can't believe you actually wear those things." He mumbled. "No sense in getting that suit wrinkled." Ianto said, watching Owen enjoy another drink of hot chocolate. He stared at the red marks, which twisted their way up the Londoner's arm. "That hurt?" He asked. Owen smirked in his drink, licking his lips as he set the mug down. "Bit more than a weevil bite." He remembered Jack dying and then coming back after being stung by a swarm of these alien jellyfish.

The two gradually became closer and closer as the night wore on, neither really comfortable nor tired enough to fall asleep still sitting up. Owen was the first to go, nodding off, face pressed into the cushion. He was slouched enough that his body lay almost parallel to Ianto's, their legs overlapping. Ianto relaxed, shutting his eyes, giving into the nagging exhaustion that came from too many hours of filing paperwork and cleaning the archives.

* * *

Ianto woke sometime in the middle of the night, hearing Owen's mumbling, sleepy voice from the other end of the couch. "Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name…" Owen murmured, arms shaking. Ianto could almost sense his pain. "Thy Kingdome come, Thy will be done…" Owen shivered, trying to pull the blanket closer, but failing miserably as it was tangled up with Ianto's. "One earth as it is in heaven." Owen shut his eyes tight, gasping slightly as his arms spasm. He bit his lip, curling up, seeking comfort from the pain. He couldn't remember. Couldn't remember the words.

Ianto reached out, hand on Owen's hip, the farthest he could reach. Owen froze, still. "Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us;" Ianto recited. Owen's eyes opened, confused, surprised. "And lead us not into temptation," Ianto's hand stayed on Owen's hip, refusing to wander anywhere, simply feeling that one bone, that edge of Owen that was closest to his hand. "But deliver us from evil." Ianto finished.

"Amen." Owen whispered. He sat up slowly, arm on fire with pain. "My parents raised me to be a devote Catholic." Ianto murmured. He knew every prayer by heart. Not that he ever said them anymore. Owen, hand trembling slightly, reached down to his own hip, hand resting on top of Ianto's. "Thank you." Owen said, sincerely. He'd never finished the prayer before. It'd gone unsaid his whole life. Some childish part of him finally believed that God might hear him now. And even if he didn't, at least Ianto was here now, hand promising to stay there through the night.


	2. Waking Moments

Ianto had a habit of drifting in and out of sleep. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept all through the night. Usually there was a weevil, rift spike, police issue, or Jack needed something. He was accustomed to being woken in the middle of the night by the rift alarm going off and Owen yelling and swearing at the machines. This night was more peaceful, less stressful.

Ianto woke up with his hand still on Owen's hip, his head resting on Owen's stomach, sheets and body tangled together. Owen's hand was in his hair, mouth open slightly, eyes moving under his lids. Still asleep. Ianto frowned, surprised by the position they were in. He had thought that the pressure and stress of added responsibility would make Owen angry, snarky, on edge. But here was something else, something deeper. Ianto took hold of Owen's damaged arm, tracing the fascinating red lines. The jellyfish was definitely not from earth; its black coloring was enough to tell him that. He marveled at the stillness he saw in Owen. The silence was so unusual.

Owen shifted in his sleep, reminding Ianto of the compromising situation he was in. Ianto twisted slowly, trying to adjust himself so that Owen wouldn't flip out the moment he woke up to find the Welshman lying on top of him. Owen groaned softly, eyes opening halfway. "Oh. Morning." Owen lifted his head to get a good look at the man lying on top of him. "Don't remember how you got there." He said, honestly, puzzled. "Um. Toshiko took the bunk?" Ianto stammered, realizing Owen hadn't moved his hand from Ianto's head. "Yeh, 'sright. But, right here I mean." Owen turned to examine Ianto's hand on his hip. "I, well, not sure." Ianto moved his hand, pulling away. Owen's eyes opened wider, waking up. He caught Ianto's wrist, stopping him. "You said you were raised Catholic?"

Ianto met his gaze, hand settling back down on Owen's hip. "Yes. My da' was very strict about it. Mass every week, at least whenever we could. But I haven't been in years." He admitted. His breath caught, feeling Owen drag his fingers through Ianto's short hair. "Why not? Don't believe in God? Problem with organized religion?" Owen asked.

"It was never my decision to go in the first place. I feel as if that desecrates something that's meant to be… personal. Pushing a child to make commitments, worship something they don't understand, it seems wrong." Ianto dropped his head onto Owen's stomach, listening to every breath that Owen took. "I went a few times." Owen murmured, after a moment's silence. "My mum took me. I remember being so upset when she put the money meant to feed us and put it in the collection tray." Owen snorted at the memory. "She never did have much sense." He shifted slightly, letting Ianto rest his head on Owen's chest now.

"Did you ever go back?" Ianto asked. "When you grew up, I mean." "No. I was afraid. I knew they hated me, that God hated me. I thought maybe if I stayed away, the religious people would ignore me, forget about the sinners as long as they stay far enough from their perfect churchy life." Owen smirked, one arm circling protectively around Ianto's back. "Owen. What're you doing?" Ianto whispered, unsure. Owen didn't answer. Ianto burrowed into him, just a little closer. "I don't know." Owen said honestly. "It's been a long time since I've just held someone. And I know you don't want to be so alone." He murmured. Ianto kept his eyes closed, just clinging to the warmth his coworker provided.

* * *

Toshiko walked into the bay, wiping sleep from her eyes. She didn't know what time it was, she was just happy to have slept through most the night without a single Rift alarm going off or any phones ringing. She stopped dead in her tracks, smiling at the sight before her. Ianto and Owen were snuggling together on the couch, completely tangled together, smiles on both of their sleeping faces. She giggled quietly, taking out her phone, snapping a quick shot of the two before stepping over to her desk quietly. She looked over the rift readings for the past few hours, scanned some of the CCTV for anything unusual. Pretty much everything was shut down by the snow, even some public transportation. There were a few minor thefts, all handled by PCs. Toshiko sifted through a neat pile of paperwork on her desk, making a mental note to fill out some of the forms and have Ianto forge Jack's signature on some of it. Toshiko yawned, checking the time. 6AM. She might as well let the boys sleep in. She turned the monitor off, sending a text to Gwen. _Go ahead and come in late if you can. The city's dead silent._ Toshiko walked over to the coffee machine, hoping there were some biscuits, anything to munch on for breakfast.

* * *

Owen stretched before he really woke up. He moved Ianto gently, carefully, getting to his feet as silently as he could manage. The Hub was dark, empty, still sleeping. He wandered over to the coffee machine. There was no way he could replicate Ianto's coffee, but he could make a decent tea or hot chocolate. He fumbled around, ending up with two hot chocolates and a stale muffin. He padded, barefoot on the cold floor, back to Ianto, setting the mugs down beside the cold empty one from last night. Ianto showed signs of stirring. Owen watched him for a moment, deciding to leave a note.

He could smell the coffee. Ianto pried his eyes open, still clinging to the warmth and darkness of sleep. He moved to get up, hand reaching up towards where he remembered Owen being. His hand caught onto a slip of paper. Ianto blinked, eyes adjusting to the dim lights. _Out for breakfast. Tosh still asleep. Gwen won't be in for some time. Cheers._ The handwriting was the usual sloppy pen scratch that covered Owen's paperwork. Ianto folded it, slipping it into his pocket. Time to shower and get dressed.

Just as Ianto stood up, he heard the cog door opening. Owen slipped in, paper bag clutched tight in his hands. "Dammit, I forgot how cold it was out there." He was wrapped in Toshiko's scarf, his own clothes rumpled from spending a night on the couch. Owen handed the bag to Ianto, bending down to check on the hot chocolate he'd made. Still somewhat warm. He handed a mug to Ianto, wordless, taking the second one up to where Tosh slept. Ianto stared, wondering what the Hell happened to the usual snark and coldness.

Tosh growled sleepily, woken by a warm mug in her hand and the aroma of slowly cooling hot chocolate. "Rise and shine, Tosh." Owen intoned, tapping her arm gently before sneaking back out of the room.

* * *

**sorry it ends at such a wierd moment but i'm out of time. so i'll update soon as possible, thank you for reviewing/reading. and yeh i'm lazy about explaining sometimes. Tosh presumably just went back to bed. sorry hole in plot. heh.**


	3. Absence of Light

_You save one life, a hundred lives, but you see it's never enough. Who'll save me?_ –Owen Harper

_Euphoria, Euphoria, you come at such a price. Every time I get a get a hold of you, I know I roll the dice How far can I go from my pain before it takes my life? Perhaps in death Euphoria, you'll be forever mine._ Euphoria by Motopony

* * *

_The snow was falling slowly, almost disappearing into the air in soft, uncounted moments. Owen felt it crunch under his feet. He could see his own breath, thick and foggy in the chill morning air. He felt a hand touch his own, and reflexively squeezed back, not even realizing who it was. He turned his head, squinting in the muffled sunlight. Ianto was smiling, silently speaking a thousand words. Owen exhaled, mouth breaking into an unexpected grin. He dropped his gaze, realizing how close they were. Just inches, which were so easily turned into millimeters, and then Ianto's lips were on his._

Owen jumped, woken abruptly. Ianto was nudging him in the ribs. This was some sort of meeting. Everyone was dressed up; even Owen had managed to put on a nice shirt. "Thanks for the breakfast." Ianto murmured, eyes speaking volumes of concern and amusement. Owen nodded. Toshiko was going over the financial report, something about the Rift, expected weevil activity. Gwen was raising her hand, asking a few questions which turned into her trying to take over the meeting. She wouldn't shut up about some great thing PC Andy had done, saving some girl who almost drowned the other night. Owen rolled his eyes. Gwen went on about CCTV and how someone should really be monitoring the footage more closely, and reminded them that they were expected to go with PCs on a few rounds this week.

The meeting went overtime, mostly due to Owen's bitter comments, which didn't really shut down Gwen or Ianto's reports, but instead drew them into an even more heated argument. "C'mon, Gwen, if the PCs really needed us out there, couldn't they just call us? Why do we have to follow them around on fucking rounds?" "Oh, I dunno, maybe we could use the backup anyway, now that we're short a team member." Gwen glared at him. "Why do you insist on always pulling that card, you cunt?" Owen snarled. "What the fuck is wrong with you Owen? Why can't you keep your bitchy comments to yourself?" Gwen finally snapped. Ianto stormed out, frustrated with the Londoner.

* * *

Ianto sat on the railing, looking over the water. Fog was settling in, covering up the waves, but he could still hear them crash against the rocks, spray misting over the wall. The sky was grey, sun completely blocked out by clouds. Ianto guessed there was a storm coming in. Shoes scraped on the pavement behind him. Ianto turned to see Owen walking towards him, head down, walking into the wind. He looked up at Ianto, reaching a hand up and swinging himself over the rail, settling down to join him. "You're going to catch your death, you bloody tosser." He mumbled, gloved hands gripping the icy railing. Ianto didn't rise to the bait. He turned back to stare at the foggy sea, captivated by the mist.

"Do you ever wonder how much more time we have?" Ianto asked, speaking to the wind. He didn't know if Owen heard him, didn't seem to care. Wind grabbed at his coat, pulling at the collar, stinging his eyes with ocean spray. Ianto shut his eyes, letting the wind beat against him, ocean air intoxicating. He felt Owen's hand on his wrist. "Ianto." He hissed, eyes searching Ianto's face, for what he didn't know. Owen could sense him slipping away, deeper into his own thoughts. "Don't we all? At one point or another? Every time you see someone die on an operating table, or just a slip with the kitchen knife, you can't help but realize how fragile this is. How captivating life is." Owen reached up, touching Ianto's cheek, pulling his jaw so that Ianto had no choice but to face him, eyes open, tears welling up in his eyes. Owen kissed him.

* * *

Owen stepped into the hub, face lit up. Ianto was at his side, coffee in hand, faintly smiling. Their clasped hands fell apart the moment Gwen appeared. Ianto turned silently, headed towards the archives. Owen straightened, facing Gwen. "Sorry about earlier, Gwen." Owen fumbled for a valid excuse. Gwen pushed straight past the apology. "Forget it Owen. Just pull yourself together, you've got a round tonight with PC Andy and a couple other officers." She handed him a file, detailing the suspicious circumstances that had been reported by passerby and residents on the street just a block away from a known weevil nest.

* * *

PC Andy was sitting in the tourist shop front to the Hub. Ianto sat behind the desk, wearing a bright red tie, assuring him that they would have a Torchwood officer in moments. The PC seemed unsure, refusing the coffee he was offered. Ianto slumped, unintentionally offended. Owen came in the front door, making a face at the flashy yellow PC outfit in his hands. "There is absolutely no fucking way" He growled. Ianto silenced him with a look. Owen sighed dramatically, pulling the jacket on. Andy tried not to snicker as he handed his own hat over to Owen. "Is this really necessary?" Owen grouched. "No, but Toshiko thought it would promote unity within your unit." Ianto chuckled. "Fine." Owen snarled. "But I'm not wearing the hat."

* * *

"This is PC Charles Griffith." Andy introduced. "Good to meet you." Charles smiled at Owen. The Torchwood officer nodded, trying his best not to laugh at the goatee that PC was obviously trying to grow. Andy led the way down the street, Owen on his right side. Most of the snow had turned to slush during the day. Owen kicked at it, hoping it wouldn't mess his shoes. "So there's a small vacant building, a disused pawn shop." Andy recapped, pointing to indicate the brick building missing windows just a few doors down from a restaurant.

Tosh and Gwen watched CCTV as the PCs stealthily made their way in one of the broken windows, whispering to each other. "This was a brilliant idea, Gwen." Tosh murmured, zooming in through the window of the shop, trying to adjust the camera's focus. "Well putting him in a suit was your idea entirely, Toshiko. It's just too bad he didn't wear the hat." Gwen laughed. Ianto walked over to the pair, offering a bowl of popcorn. "Thanks Ianto" Gwen took a handful, laughing when she heard Owen swear in the dark on her comm. They could see some lights flickering in the dark onscreen, but little else.

Owen pointed his Torchwood issued torch at the ground, searching for the sound of the dripping sound. He could barely hear it, Andy's partner was making so much noise banging into open cabinets and overturned dressers. "Shut up." Owen hissed, narrowing his eyes. He heard door screech open towards the back of the shop. He ignored Andy's lead, stepping past him into the dark, raising his stun gun. Owen held his breath, turning the corner.

Something hot and wet fell from the ceiling, splattering Owen's PC uniform. He turned his torch towards the ceiling, staring. A few weevils hung from the ceiling, freshly dead. Andy gasped, stepping back, crushing his partner's toes. "Sorry." He mumbled. Owen stepped past the bodies, examining the ropes that tied them to the ceiling. They'd have to search the whole building.

* * *

Ianto strode into Owen's flat, admiring the colorful, provocative paintings lining the wall. The counters were clustered with unopened letters and newspapers. A handwritten note sat on top of the mess. "That's from my mate next door. She brings the mail in whenever it starts to build up." Owen explained, smirking at the note she'd left. "It's payment for the silence in my absence. She hates the getting woken up in the middle of the night…" Owen tossed the note in the wastebin, leading Ianto into the kitchen. "Go ahead and take the couch, I'll be a minute putting this together." Owen was wracking his brain, trying to remember the specific details of the recipe. He hadn't made it in ages- since Katie started getting sick, actually. He dumped the freshly bought ingredients onto the counter, searching the cabinets for mixing bowls.

The windows let in some light from the street and moonlight. Ianto cracked one window open, reaching out to feel the caress of the evening wind. "Christ!" Owen snapped. Ianto jumped, then chucked, relaxing again as he watched Owen scramble to find the ingredients he was searching for. Owen kept talking to himself, directing his frustration at the measuring spoons and grocery bags. Ianto raised his eyebrows, picking up one of the newspapers that Owen had dumped on the floor to make room for cooking. The cover picture was blurred with age and water damage. "Do you recycle?" He asked, curious. "Just leave it, mate." Owen grumbled, filling the mixing bowl and starting the water boiling. Ianto took a stool by the kitchen counter, content to watch Owen's attempt at cooking him dinner. "Have you always cooked?" He wondered aloud. "Since I was a kid. Not used to the quiet though. Always cooked for an angry family, ya know? Cooking for yourself is. Just not worth it." Owen shrugged, stirring and walking towards the stove at the same time. "How's about you? I can't imagine our tea boy not being able to cook gourmet." "I'm alright. Usually stick to takeout, if you haven't noticed." Ianto rested his head on his hand, tracing the edge of the counter with his fingers. "Why's that?" "Don't have time, never really learned to enjoy it." Owen gave him a look. "Really." He shook his head.

* * *

Ianto sat back on Owen's couch, leaning against the smaller man. "I do miss him." He whispered. "Oh?" Owen turned, quirking his lips into an amused smile. He picked up the beer bottle, twirling it in small circles to mix the contents. "Do you now?" "Mmm." Ianto looked down at the dirty dishes and empty bottles, wondering how he'd become so tired and full at once. Owen felt the room shift, vision unfocused. He swore softly, reaching to grab the couch. His hand slipped, hesitantly brushing against Ianto's skin. "Shit, sorry." Owen mumbled. Ianto inhaled, hand cold without Owen's touch. He reached out, trying to cling to sobriety. Owen stiffened slightly at his touch, then relaxed as Ianto's hand drifted from his chin down his throat, dragging fingernails down his half-unbuttoned shirt. Owen crumpled into the couch, giving into the touch, making unintelligible noises. "'s been soo long, luv." He mumbled, tongue thick with blood and alcohol.


	4. Focus

_Can you see in the dark? Can you see the look on your face? The flashing white light's been turned off. You don't know who's in your bed. It takes more than fucking someone you don't know to keep warm. Do you really think that for a house-beat you'll find your love in a hole?_-Keep Yourself Warm by Frightened Rabbit (**this song seriously came up out of nowhere while I was writing. Thought it kind of fitting**.)

Blurry and cold, Owen forced an eye open. He vaguely recognized his bedroom wall. He felt a warm body pressed up against him. Short black hair in his vision. Owen inhaled, trying to guess who it was based purely on scent. Definitely male, judging from the sharp angles of hip and defined muscles. Owen nuzzled his head closer, nose pressed against the other man's neck. It was a guessing game he made for himself. Ignoring the fuzzy memories of last night, focusing on the blurred details now. It wasn't much fun this morning, though.

That scent was definitely Ianto's. Usually there was coffee and fresh suits, but Owen had gone through pains in the past to figure out what the Ianto really smelled like, underneath all the suits and guarded facades. Owen smiled, wondering how much longer he could lie there in the dark before the Welshman came to his senses. Or until he himself came out of this stupor between sleep and reality. In reality, he would have to face whatever had been done last night. Right here, where he was, Owen could slip back under the blanket of innocence, sleep, and a mild hangover. Owen pushed his head up, careful not to wake the sleeping form beneath him. Both of them were still mostly dressed. Owen wore little besides his jeans; Ianto lay in his undershirt and briefs. So presumably, nothing happened, this was just an innocent sleep between two friends.

He couldn't pinpoint the moment that he had started drifting closer to Ianto. Sure, there'd been suspicion, rejection, names called. But Ianto had ended up trusting him, in some strange fashion. Owen rested an arm on Ianto's stomach, worried at how thin the younger man had become. He was definitely making breakfast again. Owen looked out the window. Still pitch black, some city lights reflected in the view. Owen pressed a kiss to Ianto's cheek, laying his head back down beside the Welshman.

Ianto woke from a nightmare, shaking, breathing hard, shallow. He felt a hand on his waist. He couldn't help but wonder, automatically, if Jack…. No. Owen's concerned eyes looked up at him, worried, grip on Ianto tightening. Ianto struggled, still blinded by the dream's delusions. "Hey." Owen sat up, taking Ianto's hand. "What'd you see?" His eyes never left the Welshman's haunted, pale face. "Jack, someone's hurting him. You and Toshiko, y-you died." Ianto tried to slow his breathing, focusing on Owen's comforting touch.

"Right," Owen dropped his gaze, eyes lingering on the white, perfect leg now resting on top of his. Ianto shifted closer, realizing who's bedroom they were in. "We- we didn't do anything did we?" Owen asked. Ianto shut his eyes, trying to recall. He could remember Owen, getting trashed, leaving a mess in the kitchen. Owen's wandering hands, Ianto's hot mouth on his neck. "Well I gave you a hickey... Maybe you sucked me off." Ianto said softly. Owen swore under his breath. "I know you didn't want us to, ever get like this." Owen pulled his hand away, getting just as close to an apology as he could when he didn't know if he meant it. Ianto reached out, touching Owen's jaw, turning his face, kissing him slowly. He pulled away, eyes closed again. "Don't blame yourself for something I don't regret, Owen."

The morning sun cut into Ianto's sleep, burning his eyelids, destroying his vision. He sat up, realizing there was an indentation in the pillows beside him. Owen's clothes were strewn across the room, Ianto's tie left by the door. Ianto swung his legs out, standing up, searching the room for his discarded clothes. He heard a shower going, could smell food cooking. Ianto picked up his tie and shirt, which thankfully hadn't lost any buttons. His trousers were harder to find. At least, in hindsight, he'd left his jacket hanging on a chair in the kitchen.

Ianto headed to the bathroom, knocking on the door. "C'mon Owen, hurry up in there, Tosh will be expecting us," the door swung open, Owen standing with a towel around his waist. "Care to join me then?"


	5. Better than Nothing

The weevil from last night was spread out on Owen's autopsy table, obvious stab marks in its chest. Owen was picking through the holes, searching for a trace of the weapon that had done the damage, maybe a hint to the attacker. He was pretty sure it was humans; even kids could be capable of something like this. Owen glanced over at the tray of test tubes, inwardly groaning at the amount of time it would take to run all the necessary tests to determine where these weevils came from, blood type, and any basic diseases they had picked up. A cold mug of coffee sat on the steps, untouched.

Gwen walked down into the archives, searching for Ianto. She hadn't seen him all morning. Granted she'd come in a bit late, but she'd expected a coffee, a good morning, something besides the silence and coldness of the Hub. "Ianto?" She called, walking deeper into the maze of files and locked up alien relics. More by chance than any real pattern of searching, she stumbled across him. Ianto was sitting, back resting against the wall, holding a thick folder open, reading through it, eyes narrowed, squinting in the dim lighting. "Ianto?" Gwen stepped closer.

Ianto jumped, shutting the folder quickly, eyes darting like an kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Yes?" He turned professional, burying the folder back in the shelf, picking up the files he'd meant to organize, shuffling forms and organizing them first by category, then by chronological, then alphabetical. "Looking for something?" He asked, not bothering to face her. "Just wondered where you were. Tosh says there are a few predicted Rift spikes today, one about noon, two almost simultaneously around 3. We're going to be busy. Owen might stay back for the first one, it's a few miles away. Tosh wants to take the SUV. Could we leave you with Owen to take care of the next two?" Gwen asked. Ianto nodded, putting away another file. "Sure, we can handle it. Be careful." Ianto warned her, setting the stack of files down on a half-empty shelf, and walking past Gwen to another aisle.

* * *

Owen pushed the completely dissected weevil into storage, slumping against the wall, frustrated and tired. The tests still weren't done; chances were they'd have to be interrupted so that Owen could run tests on whatever fell through the Rift today. Owen slammed a cabinet closed, walking over to check on the test tubes and various alien and human tests he had running. He pipetted bits of weevil from test tubes into a centrifuge, making more DNA to test. He turned to the paper form, filling out a bit more concerning the sex and approximate age of both weevils.

"Fifteen minutes."Ianto called down from the bay. Owen slid a few drawers closed, tugging his gloves off and shrugging out of his lab coat. "Bloody brilliant." He muttered, walking up the steps to join Ianto. Ianto had changed into his jacket and jeans, which Owen hadn't seen since their awful trip to the countryside. Owen pulled on his leather jacket, holstering his stun gun. "Any idea where it is?" "Just down the street. Tosh left us directions. Our best bet is to get up on the roof of the building, get a good view of what's going on. We could split up, leave one of us on the street." "You have a preference?" "I'll take the street, you'll probably end up with all the action." Ianto walked toward the invisible lift, not waiting for Owen to catch up.

* * *

"This better be good." Owen dragged his feet, hands in pockets. "What happened to that happy-go-lucky mood from this morning? You still sore that I didn't take you up on that offer?" Owen shot him a look, narrowing his eyes. "Yeh, could be." Owen avoided the question, holding the door open for Ianto to walk into the building. "I'll let you know if I see anything." Ianto called down as he jogged up the stairs. Owen turned his back on the building. It was an office building, four stories high. The sky seemed to split above Owen's head, inhuman noises roaring out of it. Owen looked up, catching a glimpse of something dark falling onto the rooftop. "Ianto!" He yelled, charging into the building, up the steps. "Ianto what was it?"

Ianto took a step back, staring at the body falling through the Rift. "Owen, I think they're dead." Ianto ran forwards, stun gun falling to the ground and he turned the body over. Just a kid. Maybe eighteen, buzz cut, feminine face. Ianto stared, fingers feeling for a pulse at the neck. Weak, but there. Violent green eyes flew open, face twisting into a puzzled expression. "What's going on?" She murmured. Her jacket was torn, part of her chest burned. "This is Cardiff, Wales, Earth, 21st Century, I'm Ianto Jones. Where're you from?" She didn't try to sit up, lifted her head slightly off the ground. "Veronica Kafka, I'm from here." She blinked, hand reaching up to touch Ianto. Owen came running out of the building, laying his med kit next to her.

"Good afternoon, darlin', I'm Doctor Harper. What's wrong besides the burns?" Owen didn't bother to ask before pulling her jacket off, assessing the damage. His eyes widened. Veronica coughed, choking. "So much smoke, I can't, can't breathe," She grabbed at her throat, face reddening. Owen pulled out a small O2 tank, hooking her up with a non-rebreather mask. "Ianto get her to calm down, I need to" "Owen she's stopped breathing."

* * *

Ianto sat on the edge of the autopsy table, t-shirt pulled up, Owen's hand lingering on the darkening bruise on the Welshman's ribcage. "Don't think you've broken anything, just don't go rolling around with another weevil anytime soon. Mind taking off your shirt for me?" Owen pulled out a stethoscope, waiting for Ianto to strip so he could listen to breath sounds. Ianto pulled his shirt over his head, wincing at the twinge in his side. Owen had given him mild pain killers, but they hadn't kicked in yet.

"Is all of this really necessary? You're the one who needs stitches." Ianto reminded him. "It's not gonna get infected, it can wait until I finish checking you over." Owen soothed, breathing against the cold metal of the stethoscope to heat it up a bit before touching it to Ianto's skin. "Deep breath." Owen ordered. Ianto complied, sucking in air dramatically each time Owen moved on to another area. Owen pulled away, dropping the stethoscope onto the counter, resuming his place in front of Ianto. "My turn." Ianto murmured, grabbing Owen's arm before he could protest. Owen shrugged, standing between Ianto's knees, holding still as Ianto began stitching him up. "Think Gwen and Toshiko'll be back soon?" "Oh bugger what she does, they haven't called us up yet." Owen bit his lip, feeling the suture thread through his skin and pull. Ianto kept his eyes on the task, not responding to Owen's outburst.

"Look, Ianto, I know I can't be what you need." Owen said, uncharacteristically soft. Ianto stopped what he was doing, gaze locked on Owen's bleeding arm. "We both know you need him. Want him. Not me. But, but I'm something, right? I'm here, and it's better," Owen swallowed, looking away. "Better than nothing. And- and I'm sorry about last night. About what happened, I just wanted to cook for you, make you eat somethin', and" "Owen." Ianto warned him. Owen faced him, staring straight into his open eyes.

"It's fine." Ianto turned back to the wound stitching it up. Owen dropped his gaze, watching Ianto's quick hands move carefully, stitching the doctor back together. "Ianto I mean it." He said, ignoring how Ianto's grip had gone tense, how his eyes glared now. "I want to be there for you. Yeh I'm a bloody wanker, and I'm sure Jack's gonna kill me when he gets back, but I can't just," Owen broke off, hanging his head, staring at the floor. Ianto hesitated, then went back to stitching. He tied one last knot, watching Owen carefully. He put a bandage on top of the neat row of stitches, but still held onto Owen's hand, fingers now intertwined.

"You don't have to do this, Owen. I'm not your responsibility. Or your shag." Ianto moved to get up, but Owen blocked him, defiant. "Don't." He growled. "You know what you mean to me." He said, voice low. "Don't fucking pretend you don't." Owen jerked his hand out of Ianto's grasp, challenging him to deny it. They stayed frozen for a moment, Owen standing between Ianto's legs, Ianto supporting himself on one arm because his left side hurt like a bitch.

"If that's all, I need to change." Ianto sat up, legs brushing against Owen, starting to push him out of the way. Owen moved even closer, ignoring the usual bubble of personal space he usually respected. "Why the fuck do you have to hide from everyone like this? Never let them see you relaxed? I get that you want routine, that everything's so broken this is the only thing you can control anymore. But I can't fucking stand being jealous of a shitty tie." Owen snarled, lip curling. Ianto had been pulling back, but now he stopped, face breaking into a half-stifled grin. "You- jealous of a tie?" "It hangs on your neck all bloody day, what's not to be jealous of? I'm sick of sitting on my hands when they're itching to tear it off.." Owen stopped himself from going on, angry at himself and Ianto. He stepped back, shaking his head. "You know what, forget it. Keep the fucking tie, you-"

Ianto grabbed him by the collar, pulling Owen into a kiss. Owen made a surprised noise, reflexively fighting it, then melting into the kiss, smiling as Ianto wrapped his arms around Owen's neck. Ianto hooked his knees over Owen's hips, jumping onto him without warning, body flesh against his. Owen stumbled back into the counter, nearly tumbling to the ground before he regained his footing, backing Ianto into the wall, still snogging.

The cog door alarm sounded, the noise covered by the sound a cart of medical supplies tipping over, Ianto moaning loudly as Owen slid a hand across his bare spine- "Owen?" Gwen called down. Owen broke the kiss, swearing softly. "Erm," Owen's hands stayed on Ianto's waist as the Welshman slowly dismounted, walking quickly to retrieve his shirt from the autopsy table. Toshiko joined Gwen at the railing looking down into the med bay. "Hello, what happened to your arm, Owen?" "Couple weevils, we ran into 'em after the rift spike. Was just some chick falling through the Rift, she was practically dead already. In the morgue now." Owen straightened his shirt, ignoring Gwen's stare.

* * *

**hope you get used to this ending at awkward moments. Thank you for the reviews! :) I love good feedback and questions.**


	6. Nothing Wrong

_Wake up look me in the eyes again__  
__I need to feel your hand upon my face__  
__Words can relay nice__  
__They can cut you open__  
__And the silence surrounds you__  
__And holds you__  
__I think I might've inhaled you__  
__I could feel you behind my eyes__  
__You've gotten into my bloodstream__  
__I could feel you floating in me_

_-Bloodstream by Stateless._

* * *

Ianto twisted pulled down on the lever, hot coffee streaming into the mug, steam rising. Eyes closed, Ianto leant against the machine, heart heavy, mind reeling, thoughts tangled. He ran a hand over the machine, imagining how Jack used to come up behind him, looping his arms around Ianto's waist, whispering to him, head tucked beside his, warm breath on his neck. Ianto blinked, mind playing a mix tape of dark memories, half-converted Cybermen, bodies, visions of Jack falling and falling, body breaking every time, coming back smiling wider each time. Coffee splashed over the side of the mug. Ianto shut off the tap, watching drops of hot liquid slowly congeal and fall heavily into the already overflowing mug.

Ianto watched, transfixed, frozen in place. He reached for the mug, wiping off what had spilled with a cloth, careful not to stain his suit. Ianto lifted the mug, hand trembling slightly. He lifted it to his mouth, fingers still touching the machine, tapping softly. Just one little pill and he'd forget them all. Maybe he'd forget everything. Life could be blank and quiet, solitary, empty, but peaceful. He could lose them all, find himself. The all too young man lost in the forgotten past, with an empty future but blissful mind. His lips twitched, ghost of a smile flickering over his visage. "I don't want to remember anymore." He whispered to himself, repeating the mantra in his head, reassuring himself as he lifted the mug to his lips. He could almost taste it now. A salty teardrop fell from his cheek, hissing as it landed in the steaming mug. He told himself he'd be doing this, even if Jack was here. Even if Jack had never left. It was his right to choose. His life.

"_It's better… better than nothing_." Owen's voice echoed through his ears, so mesmerizing, begging Ianto to agree that he had anything to offer the Welshman. Ianto pulled the mug away from his lips, breath coming in sharp gasps, hands shaking badly now. The mug fell from his fingers, crashing on the metal floor. Ianto dropped to his knees, trying to pick up the wreckage with detached motions, hands missing chunks, fingers digging into sharp edges, not trying to clean up as much as to make him feel something. Something besides the numbness and silent, aching sobs that had begun to wrack his body. Ianto bit his lip hard, drawing blood, forcing himself to focus on the task, finding relief in the routine, cleansing ritual, complete with a tedious, bleeding pain. The cog door alarm sounded.

"Anybody home?" Owen walked into the Hub, off balance just enough to suggest he'd had a couple strong drinks. "C'mon luv, I know you're in here." He drawled.

Ianto looked up, eyes wide, mouth open. No one ever walked in on this. No one saw Ianto unravel like a piece of fabric, one strand pulling the neatly pressed threads into a tangled hot mess. Ianto stared down at his bleeding fingers, the small white pill in his palm, waiting for Ianto to swallow it. Ianto smelled alcohol. He turned his head, just enough to see Owen's shoes walking towards him, stopping perhaps a foot away. "Oh." The breath went out of him. Now Owen's jeans, kneeling in a mess of shattered ceramic and dirty wet floor.

Owen's hand clutching at the ground, voice caught in his throat as he saw the blood on Ianto's wet hands, the clean white pill in his palm, suit still impossible immaculate. "Please." Owen whispered. He didn't grab the Welshman. His instincts screamed at him to knock Ianto over, stop him from taking the Retcon, bandage up his fingers and take him home. Instead he waited, pleading with him. It nearly broke him to see Ianto so fragile, eyes so animal, senseless. "Ianto." Owen's voice was thick with emotion, raw desperate need.

"Fuck- please. Not you. Don't let me lose you." His hand reached out slowly, touching the closest part of Ianto, his elbow. "Not you too." Something broke in Ianto, a thread stretched too far, snapping. He jerked away, Owen's hand left clinging to nothing but air. "Oh God…" Ianto ignored him, bringing the pill closer, turning his back on Owen. "..Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change." Ianto closed himself off, blocking out the words, the emotions, the reasons, the almost-love, unspoken commitment and attachment. "The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

"I thought you said you didn't know any prayers-"

"Living one day at a time, enjoying one moment at a time." Owen's hand was on his shoulder now, body close, pulling Ianto towards him. "Accepting hardships on the pathway." Ianto felt warm fingers on his hands, pulling jagged pieces of mug out of his hand. Slowly, one at a time. "Taking, as he did, this sinful world as it is. Not as I would have it." Until all that was left was the pill. A pearl, untainted by blood or spilled coffee. "Owen." "Trusting that he will make all things right, if I surrender to his will; that I may be..." Owen choked, reaching to take the pill from Ianto. Ianto turned his hand over, watching it fall to the floor.

* * *

Ianto rocked against Owen, kissing him, mouth open, fingers trapped in Owen's clothes, caught on his skin. Owen twisted, bringing a knee up between them, making space, forming a gap between their bodies. He turned his head down, hand catching Ianto's, tracing the folds of the bandages covering his lover's fingers. All those empty words, hollow emotions, but the moment was all they had. Owen kept his eyes down, unable to face the man he selfishly held onto. He wanted to say it. Wanted to mean it. But knew he never could. "Sorry." He muttered, eyelids covering the emotions welling up. Hands grabbed at his shirt, at his skin, perfect lips barely carrying the sound to him. The words he'd waited, yearned to hear all his life. "You've done nothing wrong."

* * *

**wish i had time to read all this over and fix it. sincere apologies if it doesn't flow well or if you get offended or whatnot. have a nice night. your reviews keep me writing.**


	7. Dismembered Constellations

Toshiko smiled, walking out towards the docks, hair pulled up in a bun. She felt the wind blow into her face, coat rumpled by a cold gust. She told herself she deserved some time to herself, despite the overwhelming responsibilities at Torchwood. Cleaning up after the Rift and driving in the SUV with Gwen had turned out to be a much more draining experience than she'd expected. Things were so different with half the personnel. Toshiko was growing accustomed to involving UNIT and the police when necessary.

She reached the railing, looking over the ocean. The sun was setting, long shadows giving depth to the cold city. Toshiko wrapped her fingers around the metal rail, watching waves crashing. She heard someone approaching, and turned her head, still grinning. "Good evening." She said, taking a good look at the stranger.

The woman was dressed in a dark jean jacket, white t-shirt underneath. "Hey, darlin'." She stood beside Tosh, giving her an appreciative sideways glance. "You just get out of work?" She asked, noticing paperwork sticking out of Tosh's purse. "Oh, yes. It was a long day. I'm Toshiko Sato." Tosh took her eyes off the water, turning to face to woman. "Alex Grey. Pleasure to meet you, Toshiko." She said warmly. "I like your haircut." Toshiko complimented her. Alex's hair was a couple inches long, sticking up in impossible directions.

"Why thank you. Care for a drink?" Alex leaned a bit closer, eyes not leaving Toshiko's blushing face. "Oh, that's quite alright, I was just headed home, and" "Oh, someone waiting for you?" The look in her eyes hinted she knew there wasn't. Toshiko shook her head. "I suppose I could…" "C'mon then, gorgeous. Let's hit the town."

* * *

Ianto groaned, stretching under the pale moonlight. He was in Owen's bed again, covered by a luxurious blanket. His hands were still bandaged, fingers itching painfully. His side was aching, ribs bruised from the weevil that had tried to tackle him, pulled off by Owen. He was sore all over. Ianto rolled onto his side, facing Owen now, watching the Londoner sleep peacefully. Ianto draped an arm over Owen's back, moving closer, glad for the warmth and close proximity. The angry red lines on Owen's arm from the alien jellyfish were fading into what looked like silvery, tangled spider webs.

He rested his head on the same pillow as Owen, breathing in Owen's soft breath. It was strange to see him so still, lifeless. Usually the Londoner was full of energy, raw emotion, passion, or a numb, cutting, stubborn anger. Ianto fiddled with his bandages, feeling clumsy and useless. How could he file or make coffee or do fieldwork all bandaged up like this? Maybe a day off with Owen- but no, they were already down to four team members, the Rift was predicted to be decently active this week, no way was he going to leave the place to Toshiko and Gwen. Still, a beautiful idea. Ianto shut his eyes, mulling all the things he could do with a day to himself.

* * *

Toshiko woke up confused, groggy. The room was dark, unfamiliar. She was curled up in a strangers bed, wrapped in a blanket with a scent she didn't recognize. Toshiko sat up, holding her head as she felt the beginnings of a hangover. Tosh was half dressed, wearing an undershirt and her knickers. She got out of bed, fumbling in the dark to find the door, dim light seeping through it. The door opened straight into a living room. Someone's flat, not anything flashy, just a place to sleep and eat. There was a beat-up couch in the room, Tosh recognized the woman from earlier, Alex. Tosh remembered meeting her, following her to a cozy bar, then into a more edgy scene, perhaps one more bar before her memories became muddled, confused by drink.

Toshiko looked around, recognizing her own coat and trousers hanging from a chair. She walked towards them, wondering if she should slip out now, in the middle of the night, without a word and forget this whole silly thing- Alex stirred, woken by Tosh's footsteps. Tosh froze, watching her wake up. Alex sat up slow, eyes bright despite obvious sleepiness. "Oh, hello again." She murmured, dazed smile coming to her face. Toshiko blushed, realizing her own immodesty. "Sorry, I was, erm- looking for the loo." She lied, embarrassed by the situation. Toshiko Sato did not go drinking all night. She did not go bar hopping with strangers. And she certainly did not sleep over at their houses wearing practically nothing. Alex raised a hand, lazily pointing at a door right next to the one Toshiko had come out of. "Thanks." Toshiko walked away quickly.

* * *

Alex was completely awake by the time Toshiko emerged. "Hope you enjoyed yourself." She said, setting her feet on the ground. She wore long black and white striped socks, grey boxer shorts and was pulling on a shirt. "Of course. You- I don't remember, did you pay for all of that?" "Don't worry about it." Alex shrugged off the question, flashing a sleepy smile. "You going back to bed?" She asked. Toshiko looked over at her clothes, at the clock on the wall which read 3:39. "Um, I suppose so. Can I use your shower in the morning?" "'course. I've even got a change of clothes that might fit you." Alex collapsed back onto the sofa, apparently going right back to sleep.

* * *

Gwen was the first one in that morning. She went to her desk and pulled up the paperwork from yesterday, checking some of Tosh's latest predictions for Rift activity. She'd give the others an hour before calling them in, there was a surge of activity due in the afternoon.

The cog door rolled open, Ianto and Owen walking through, Ianto wearing jeans and a jacket. Gwen did a double take, realizing they were Owen's clothes. "Erm- Good morning!" She called across the hub. Ianto nodded, shared a look with Owen, and turned towards the coffee machine. Owen walked over to Gwen, hands in his pockets. "Tosh make it in yet?" He asked, leaning one hip against Gwen's desk. She shook her head. She opened her mouth to ask about him and Ianto, but Owen had already turned and walked away.

* * *

Toshiko swore loudly, realizing the sun was pouring through the windows. "Sorry to wake you up, love, but I've got to head out." Alex was sitting on the side of her bed, handing her a towel. "I've taken a shower already. Helps with the hangover." She explained. Toshiko thanked her, snatching the towel and bolting into the bathroom. There was a surge of rift energy predicted around noon, it was probably quarter to by now. She scrambled all over the unfamiliar bathroom, taking one of the fastest showers of her life. She stepped out, realizing she had nothing but a towel to wear. She opened the door, towel wrapped tightly around her.

Alex walked out of the bedroom, handing Toshiko a pile of clothes. "Sorry none of my clothes are quite as dressy as what you seem to like. Breakfast's ready." Toshiko nodded, taking the clothes. Her towel slipped a bit, and she could feel Alex's eyes latch onto her. Toshiko stepped back into the bathroom, sorting out the clothes she had to choose from. She picked out a pair of jeans that fit well, maybe a bit tight. There was a hole through the knee. Tosh laughed at the belt they'd come with, it was black leather, studded with dull metal spikes, something Toshiko would never wear. She put it on for fun, decided to leave it on. Tosh found a black tank top that fit, but couldn't find a blouse her size. They were all slightly small on her. Toshiko sighed, deciding she'd just throw a coat on over it.

Tosh stepped out of the bathroom, following the smell of bacon and toast into the kitchen. Alex smiled, seeing what she was wearing. Toshiko grabbed her jacket from the chair, rushing over to grab a piece of toast which she stuffed in her mouth, pulling her shoes on quickly. "Sorry I'm in such a rush, thank you for last night- oh this is delicious!" Tosh almost choked on the bacon, accepting a glass of orange juice. Alex laughed, walking over to get the door for her. "See you around." She gave Toshiko a one-armed hug, giving her a chaste kiss on the lips. Toshiko's eyes widened. Alex stepped away, flashing a smile. Toshiko nearly tripped as she backed out the door. Alex winked. Toshiko turned, running off toward the Hub.

* * *

Ianto set a coffee down at Tosh's workstation. Strange, she was usually in by now… The cog door rolled open, Toshiko running in, gasping for breath. She dumped her purse at her desk. "Sorry! Sorry I'm late." Ianto raised an eyebrow at the pants she was wearing. "Thought you went straight home last night?" He questioned. Tosh shook her head. "Um- went drinking with a friend." She said simply, booting up her computer and picking up the mug of coffee. "Thank you, Ianto."

* * *

**just playin around with some tosh/oc. sorry if this is a jumble mess with not enough focus and lotsa confused people. Please leave some love by clickin the little button below.**


	8. Drawing Lines in the Sand

_You're used to this, aren't you? That facial expression you all share, when things get out of control. Like you enjoy it. Like you get a high from the danger.  
Want me to apologize for that?  
Don't you ever wonder how long you can survive before you get mad or get killed or lose a loved one? It's worth the risk. To protect people.  
And who protects us! –Toshiko and Ianto, Countrycide_

* * *

"What if this is it?" Ianto asked Owen, flipping through pages that didn't need sorting as he watched the medic cut into one of the nasty jellyfish that had fallen through the Rift the other day. "What if life's just a jumble of little things, we're just trying to make sense of it in our heads. Who's to say this is life? What if it's really hell?" Ianto shut the file, taking a seat on the steps. "Wouldn't matter, would it? If this is Hell, it's all we know. And we'd rather be in it than be plunged into the great bloody abyss and hoping to be saved by some prissy old man." Owen smirked, pulling off chunks of the specimen for tests, or maybe just to get back at it for the pain it had caused him.

"But you already know what I think." Owen said, focusing on the task. "You know what Suzie said. There's nothing, just darkness, and maybe she's right, this is it, there's nothing else." Owen put down the scalpel, examining his handiwork. "Then what's the point in bettering ourselves? And if God's not there, how do we get fixed?" Ianto pushed.

"What's to fix? Maybe we only have so much potential. All the mistakes we make are inherent errors, and what religion tells us are sins are really miracles? Hmm? Even murder can be a way of releasing someone from a painful life. Sex brings people into the world, gives them a reason to stay, to fight for something. So they can be sickening, yet they're just as miraculous as healing a blind man." Owen picked up the jellyfish carefully, returning it to storage.

Ianto gazed down at his shoes, lost in thought. "I thought you believed in God." He said, slowly. Owen pulled off his gloves, pulling off what he'd been wearing for the dissection. He sat down on the steps beside Ianto, now wearing his usual jeans and long sleeve shirt.

"Why all the questions?" Owen asked. "I was thinking. About what you asked a few days ago. Why I haven't gone back. And I was wondering if you want to go with me, to a church." Ianto spoke to the floor. Owen stared, surprised. "What- a regular Catholic church?" He asked. Ianto nodded. "Ianto, they don't want us there." Owen said softly, staring at the bandages on Ianto's hands. "God's supposed to love everyone, right? So why wouldn't they want us?" "Ianto,"

"I want to go to confession." Ianto said, firmly. Owen swallowed hard, nodding. "Alright." He finally said. "Tomorrow." "Right. Just let me get my suit. You coming over to my place tonight?" Owen asked, eyes saying what he couldn't voice. Ianto bit his lip, searching Owen's face. "So long as you're not cooking." He deadpanned. "Oi! I'll have you know I'm an excellent cook!" Owen whined. Ianto's face broke into a smile.

* * *

The sun had set by the time Tosh left the Hub. The Rift had turned out to be quiet, nothing coming through besides shoes, and some alien artifacts that could not be identified yet. Toshiko started walking towards her flat, then hesitated, remembering Alex. Maybe she was over by the docks. Maybe Toshiko should go find her, just to return the clothes. Toshiko tried to convince herself that was the only reason she wanted to find the woman. She slipped her hands into the jean pockets, walking towards the docks.

Alex was sitting on the edge of the rail, hands gripping it tight as she looked over the water. Toshiko approached cautiously, instinctively reaching a hand out to touch Alex's concentration, get her attention. Instead her hand landed on Alex's wrist and stayed there. Alex didn't move. Toshiko moved closer, concerned. "Alex?" She said, softly. Dark blue eyes met hers. "Hello, Tosh." Alex said softly. Toshiko kept her hand on the other woman's, wondering at how cold her skin was. "How was your day?" Toshiko asked, thumb absentmindedly stroking the other woman's hand. Alex twisted her lips, unsure of how to respond. "Honestly it wasn't what it could have been." She said, eyes turning to watch the churning water.

"Something happen? God, I don't even know where you work." Toshiko laughed nervously. Alex smiled wryly. "I work a few part time jobs. A lot of bartending and some computer design. But the company I work for isn't doing well, they're cutting jobs and wages. One of my friends lost his job today." She explained. "Oh, I'm sorry." Tosh said, feeling lame. "How about you? What's your job?" Alex asked. "Oh it's- kind of covert operations. Like the police, except underground. Not really part of the government. I'm the computer and tech person, less of a field agent." Toshiko explained. Alex perked up, interested. "Sounds interesting. I used to have a job like that. Well not as much black ops as it was creating encrypted codes for the government." Alex admitted. Tosh chuckled. "I love it though. My job, it tears all of us apart, but at the same time…. It seems worth it."

Toshiko leaned against the railing, realizing their fingers had intertwined, Alex's hand now warm in hers. Alex nodded, leaning a hair closer. "Any plans for tonight?" "No. Well- my boss is, gone. So it's a lot of work for the rest of us. We're sort of on call 24/7, so I can't exactly get away with being out all night very often." Toshiko blushed, looking down at the ocean. "Makes sense. I switched shifts so I'd have tonight off. I'm going in early tomorrow morning, find out who else loses their job." Alex swung a leg over the rail, straddling it. "You know, if you're not too tired, you could come by my flat? I was planning on making dinner for my friend, but when we found out about him getting laid off, he left without a word. So..?" Alex looked to Toshiko expectantly.

* * *

Ianto followed Owen into the flat, watching as the Londoner kicked off his shoes, dropped his coat on a chair, and shuffled into his bedroom, making small frustrated muttering sounds the whole time. "Can't believe I let you pay for that… bloody outrageous prices…" Owen growled. Ianto followed him into the bedroom, slowly taking off his coat. He unbuttoned his shirt slowly. Owen froze midsentence, eyes caught on Ianto's neck. Ianto smirked, making his movements even slower, knowing he had the man's full attention. "So church tomorrow?" He reminded him. Owen swallowed hard. "Yeh. Gwen said we were okay to come in a bit late, we'll go to the earliest mass they have. Toshiko said the Rift will be quiet all morning. There's ah- UNIT teleconference tonight, Gwen's in on it, and Tosh is working on something about weird disappearances."

Owen sucked at his lip, eyes glued to Ianto's neck. The Welshman worked the buttons down his shirt, smile widening. He reached the lowest button, pretending he didn't hear Owen's muffled moan. He left his shirt hanging open as he started on the belt. "Ianto, mate, please don't do that while I'm in the room, you know," Owen coughed, trying to avert his eyes. Ianto walked closer, pretending not to notice. "What? I thought you didn't mind me staying over, Owen. Something wrong?" He smiled, looking up at Owen through long eyelashes. Owen took a step back, hand reaching for the wall to support himself. Ianto slipped his belt off, fingers playing with the button of his trousers. "You said you didn't want me" "Fucking forget what I said." Ianto said, voice deep with authority

* * *

Ianto panted hard, fingers running through Owen's hair as the smaller man gasped for breath, wiping his mouth. He moved closer to Ianto, resting his head against Ianto's leg. "Fucking- fantastic." Ianto murmured fervently. Owen nuzzled closer, trying to ignore his own arousal. "Welcome." He said thickly, almost numb. Ianto stepped back, collecting himself, turning to the bed. Owen dropped his gaze, recognizing this as the place where Ianto drew the line.

* * *

The church was huge, filled with dust, age, and wooden pews. Owen knelt automatically, making the sign of the cross. He started, realizing how quickly he'd slipped back into his childhood. Ianto was staring. Owen ducked his head, following him into a pew towards the back. The service was slow, congregation spread out over the pews. Owen almost fell asleep, catching himself when he started nodding off. He looked to Ianto, apologetic. Ianto reached over, taking Owen's hand in his, eyes still focused on the priest, as if he was searching for something like salvation.

Owen's phone went off. It was on vibrate, lowest setting. He answered it discreetly, eyes apologizing silently to Ianto as he backed out of the cathedral. "What is it, Tosh?" He hissed, slipping out the front door. "Owen, they have a possible suspect for the person who killed those weevils. PCs want you down at the station to help sort it out, take fingerprints and that sort of thing." "Brilliant. Any idea how long this'll take?" "Just a couple hours. Unless you find something."

* * *

Toshiko jumped in surprise as her phone went off, answering it as she walked towards the coffee machine. Ianto saw her and made his way over. She'd noticed the bandages on Ianto's hands, but still hadn't asked about them. Seemed likely something had fallen through the Rift and she hadn't been there. Guilty, Toshiko accepted a hot mug from him. "Hello?" She asked, recognizing the number on her phone as Alex. They'd swapped numbers last night.

"Hey, sweetheart. I thought you said you don't get service at your job? Just lucky I guess. Anyway, I'm working tonight, so if you want to bring a few coworkers in, I can get you an employee discount." Alex's voice sounded like a professional salesperson on the phone. "Um, sure, I'll ask. No guarantees, the Rif- I mean we're a bit behind schedule, might be an all-nighter… Mhmm, I'll let them know. Thank you. Bye!" Tosh shut her phone, smiling widely. "And that was?" Ianto asked, noting her smile. "That friend of mine I slept wi- I mean, went drinking with the other night. Just called to say hello." Tosh tried to stop smiling, hiding it by drinking coffee. "Oh." Ianto nodded, walking over towards the med bay. "Wait- Ianto, d'you want to go to the pub tonight? Bring the team?" Tosh asked. He thought for a moment, seeming to calculate the chances of going on a weevil hunt in the dark, completely drunk. "Great idea. Want me to ask Owen and Gwen?" He asked. Toshiko nodded, still smiling. "Thank you, Ianto."

* * *

The pub was one Owen knew, conveniently within walking distance of the Hub. Toshiko led the way in, taking a seat at the bar, Owen on her left, Ianto in the seat beside him. "Pity about Gwen, though I suppose Rhys is keeping her busy these days." Toshiko murmured. Owen rolled his eyes. "So busy she takes off more days than the rest of us combined." He growled. Ianto shot him a look, but quickly turned to order drinks when a bartender came over to their side. "So am I delusional, or is something going on between you and Ianto?" Tosh asked softly. Owen's eyes shot up.

"Maybe. Depends how you look at it." He mumbled. Toshiko opened her mouth to ask, but Owen shut her up with a look. Toshiko turned to the bartender. "Excuse me, is Alex working tonight?" She asked. The bald man nodded. "Yes she is." He handed her a drink, moving away without another word. Toshiko made a face, taking a drink. Owen was already halfway through his. He turned to Ianto, watching the Welshman take a shot. "How was confession?" He asked softly. Ianto looked down at his drink, hesitant. "Bloody nightmare. He didn't want to hear a word. Kept barking about men holding hands in church, disgrace to god…" Ianto trailed off. Owen's hand clenched up in a fist, anger surging through his veins. "We're getting trashed." He snarled. "And them I'm going to beat that fucker's head in." Owen chugged the rest of his drink, waving the bartender over. Ianto took his hand, squeezing it.

Toshiko looked up, realizing Alex was right in front of her, filling Owen's drink. "Alex!" She cried, smiling. "Tosh!" Alex laughed, grabbing her into a hug from across the bar. The hug turned into a kiss on the cheek, which quickly escalated into a short but hot French kiss. Alex broke away, winking cheekily. "So these are your coworkers?" She asked, glancing at the two. Owen had choked on his drink, staring at the pair. Ianto's mouth was still wide open. "Ha, yep." Toshiko blushed.

"Owen, Ianto, this is Alex Grey, she's a, um- friend of mine." "A very good friend." Alex corrected. "Doctor Owen Harper. This is Ianto Jones." Owen recovered first. "Congratulations. We thought for the longest time that our Toshiko was little prudish. Looks like you've won her over." Owen raised his glass in a mock salute. Ianto twisted his hand. Owen glared, pulling his hand away. "Pleasure to meet you." Ianto said, smiling at the bartender. Alex nodded. "I've work to do, but I'll see you around." She gave Tosh another look as she walked away. Owen stared at Tosh. "What the fucking hell, Tosh! You've been holding out on us all this time!" Owen cried. "Shut up, Owen, she'll hear you!" Tosh hissed, face red. "He is right though, you could've told us you were shagging the bartender." Ianto commented. "It's not like you two keep your business in the open." Tosh replied. "Oh really?" Owen smiled. He turned to Ianto, grabbing his neck, pulling him into a kiss.

Alex looked up from the glass she was filling, watching as Toshiko's two coworkers felt each other up, neither dominating the kiss. Tosh was watching, a bit surprised, but mainly annoyed as the kiss deepened, the taller man, Ianto, pushing Owen into the bar, bending him over just enough to cause Tosh to protest. "Really, you're in public, Owen!" She cried. Owen pushed Ianto off, breathing labored. "You act as if I'm the one doing all the work here, Tosh." Owen rolled his eyes, Ianto moving off of him, sitting back down and taking a long drink. "Just don't get us thrown out." Toshiko mumbled. "Oh I'm sure that won't be a problem, now you're playing fuck buddies with the management." Owen snorted.

* * *

**maybe the quote at the top isn't super relevant, but it's there anyway. Thank you for reviews! Now are you happy it stayed rated T?**


	9. Morning Memories

Ianto followed Owen into A&E, looking around at the patients in varying stages of sickness and death. "Are you going to tell me why we're here?" Ianto prompted, stepping quickly out of the way to avoid a few medical staff running down the hall with a crash cart. Owen kept walking down the hall, turning his head to make sure Ianto was keeping up. "Nah, just thought you'd enjoy waking up to the usual chaos and disease of this shithole." Owen snapped, turning a corner, leading into another section of the hospital.

"Toshiko was looking into a pattern of disappearances, remember? Turns out they actually checked into this hospital, all within the same week, and the hospital has had trouble with keeping the records straight for all of them." Owen led Ianto into the hospital room. There was a body on the stretcher, a young man. Ianto couldn't tell if he was sleeping or dead. He looked like a chemo patient, IV stuck in him, eyes sunk, head bald. Owen was getting out the alien tech scanner.

"So they scanned all these patients, there's six of them, all have what they think is a brain tumor, except the chemo hasn't been working, and they've decided they're going to operate before it gets any larger, starting with this man." Owen explained. Ianto nodded, watching Owen examine the man. He watched the medic move somewhat more quickly than normal, a haunted look in his eyes.

"Owen. I- don't know what this is, but isn't there something in your file about" Owen shot him a look, angry. "Later, Ianto. Not now." Owen examined the machines monitoring the man's vitals. "Go talk to the staff, will you? Tell them Torchwood is looking into this now." Owen said, back turned to the Welshman. Ianto waited a moment, watching Owen's actions, recognizing in them a hint of fear, of anxiety. He turned on his heel, leaving Owen alone with the dying man and his old memories.

The nurses seemed relieved that someone else was assuming responsibility for their patients. Ianto couldn't help but be a little disgusted by that. He found a coffee machine, getting two coffees, nothing like Jack's Industrial Strength Coffee, but better than decaf. Ianto walked back into the hospital room, only to find Owen missing. "Owen?" Ianto called, stepping out of the room, poking his head into the adjacent room. "Over here." Owen called. He was behind the nurses' desk, pulling out files for the patient scheduled for surgery.

"I've cancelled the surgery, but the family's pissed, they're on their way. I need to get this man back to the Hub, use a bit more alien tech to find out what exactly is in his head." Owen said, picking up the man's full chart, full of physicians orders and medical history. "Owen, you sure about this?" Ianto said, quietly. Owen narrowed his eyes. "What," "Because this looks an awful like that case that happened right before you joined Torchwood. I don't know the specifics, but I've been through the bloody archives. I know that alien parasite had something to do with you. You're right to cancel the surgery, but there's nothing more we can do for him. Or for the family." Ianto said firmly.

"We should just cover it up, forge a scan that says the tumor's inoperable, and do the same for the other cases. Just move on." Ianto said, eyes pleading with the doctor to calm down. Owen's face twisted into a frown. "Ianto I'm not dropping this." He snarled. "Do what you have to. But he's a dead man, Owen. There's no sense in taking this any further into Torchwood territory." "Ianto, if it's, if it's this parasite then we can't just leave them here to die, you know that stupid old motto, 'if it's alien, it's ours'?" Owen tucked the chart into his bag of medical supplies, slinging it over his shoulder. "We can't leave something like that sitting around. When Jack…. When he showed up, he took her brain." Owen's voice when low, all emotion going numb. "I think he destroyed it." Owen refused to look up and meet Ianto's pitying gaze. "We can't leave them here." Owen reasoned.

"Owen, if we have to, we can just give orders to the staff, make sure none of them gets hurt, then wait till the people are dead to take out the parasites." Ianto tried to reason with him. Owen shook his head, turning to walk back into the patient's room. Ianto followed him closely, shutting the door behind him, effectively sealing the two of them in with a sedated man.

"Owen, don't let this mess with your judgment. Toshiko shouldn't have put you on this assignment. We should've handed it to UNIT." "These people are my fucking responsibility, Ianto." Owen snarled. "You don't have the right to condemn them." "Jack already did. It might as well be in rules and regulations; anyone who tries to remove the parasite dies, so it's fucking ridiculous for us to try and fix this." Ianto grabbed the file from Owen, ignoring the doctor's protests. "Bullocks to rules and fucking regulations." Owen growled. "I'd tell you to go home, and stop screwing this up. But we don't have the luxury of losing another team member. So go back to the hub." Ianto ordered him. Owen stared, gaze unwavering. "Fine." He snapped turning and storming out the door.


	10. Storms

Owen stared up at the night sky, leaning his head against the window. He felt as if he was in some weird opiate dream, senses blooming and dying with each breath, lights in the window streaming across his vision. He'd felt the sensation a time or two, when morphine had been all too accessible, and life all too dark and painful. Owen lifted his fingers, smudging the glass, wishing for a moment he could fall through, hit the ground, leaving nothing but a splash of gore on pavement and fractured glass behind him. Owen took in a deep breath, wishing he had a drug, any drug. He remembered his days in med school, watching kids get high off anything from oxygen to heroine. Owen started, hearing a sound behind him. Ianto was shifting in his sleep, mumbling to himself, clutching the blankets.

Owen stood, back to the glass, eyes shut. He watched the dark spots and patterns behind his eyelids, letting his arms go limp at his sides. He took one last look at the sleeping Welshman and walked out, into the bathroom. Biting down on his lip, Owen pulled the bandage off his arm, examining the neat row of stitches Ianto had made. Temptation seeped into him; fingernails itching to rip into the sutures, tear a fresh wound, and let it bleed and fester. Owen fingered the raised flesh, still healing wound, wanting the pain and rush of emotion. He smirked at his own hesitation, smiling at his dark reflection in the unlit mirror. Not tonight.

* * *

The morning moved slowly, a swirl of unchecked staring and complex emotions. Ianto slid a hand over Owen's waist when the smaller man walked past him. They danced around each other, both aching for a touch, each denying themselves and the other. Owen pulled his long sleeves down to his wrists, not wanting a hint of the scratches on his wrist to show. He kissed Ianto, passionless, on the cheek, leaving a plate of French toast on the man's lap, hand taking advantage of the moment to stroke Ianto's knee before he turned and walked away.

* * *

The Hub was buzzing with activity. Ianto took the stairs, up from the med bay, ignoring Owen's snarl about parasite brains and killer whales. Toshiko called down to Owen about Rift activity, alarms sounding. Gwen screamed at Ianto to hurry up. Owen yelled out, claiming it was his turn to drive the SUV.

* * *

Ianto floored the accelerator, Owen growling in his ear as he took a turn too tight. The tension was back. Owen's cold touch on his knee, eyes giving him a chilly, grim smile. "Take another left." Toshiko called from the back. "Just past this stoplight." Ianto braked hard, nearly sending the team through the windshield. Owen was slammed into the car door, seatbelt failing to catch him in time. "Dammit Ianto!" He snarled, recoiling. "We just missed it, whatever it is, it's already here." Tosh cried out. "Ianto, stop, let me out, it's on foot from here." Gwen said. Ianto ignored her, cutting off a small yellow car, causing them to honk loudly. Rain pelted down on the windows, window wipers moving furiously. "Gwen you'd fucking drown out there." Owen snapped, grabbing onto the headrest, trying not to get slammed into the door again as Ianto turned the wheel hard.

* * *

It had wings. Huge, reptilian smooth appendages. Ianto felt the strange desire to reach out and touch the dark, glistening, jagged wings. The body was comparably smaller, vaguely humanoid, head less fleshy, more pointed, no opening for a mouth. Gwen's mouth hung open, hand clutching at her stun gun. It's bare feet were little more than claws. A pair of khakis, completely out of place, on its legs. It turned to Ianto, two narrowed eyes staring him down. A voice hissed out, gravely, alien. Ianto lowered his stun gun, waiting for Toshiko to find a way to translate it. She was messing with a couple different scanners, running different translator programs on her computer.

"Hurry it up Tosh, this bitch is pissed." Owen had a gun raised, pointed straight at the alien's head. "It's not going to eat you, Owen." Ianto sighed, rain crashing into him, blinding him. The team had surrounded the alien, each drenched with falling rain. "I've seen something like this in the medical files." Owen said, cocking the gun. The alien snarled, wings folding out, nearly hitting Gwen. She scrambled to move back, hair blown into her face. Ianto stepped back, water seeping through his clothes, chilling him. "It's saying something about being home already… And something about a welcoming committee- Everyone get back!" Toshiko yelled.

The creature reared its head back, beat its wings hard as it jumped, creating a wind that nearly knocked the team over. Owen was the first back on his feet, yelling after it. "Owen, fucking shut up." Ianto said, voice hollow. Owen turned, face contorted, gun lowered, eyes on the Welshman. He conceded. "Fine. Let's get everyone out of this bloody storm before I have to treat you all for fucking hypothermia."


	11. Unnecessary Bits

Myfanwy snorted as Ianto approached, offering a bar of chocolate. He murmured reassuring words, tossing it to the pteranodon. "Ianto, stop pampering the fucking dinosaur, get your arse down here." Owen called. "It's not a dinosaur, Owen. And we ran out of that barbecue sauce, so dark chocolate is all we have." Ianto retorted, climbing down from Myfanwy's perch.

Owen was wrapping each member of the team in a blanket, making sure they all took showers and had warmed up sufficiently before heading home. Gwen was in a rush, something about having to cancel dinner plans with Rhys. She rushed out the cog door, throwing a goodnight over her shoulder. Toshiko walked into the bay, warm from the shower, dropping the towel off on the railing above the medbay.

"Tosh, wait." Owen set down the scanner he'd been toying with, jogging up the stairs to her. "I don't mean to be a prick, but, erm- you know the last chick you pulled turned out to be an alien and," Owen met her eyes, concerned, embarrassed. "Just be don't do anything stupid, okay?" He kicked himself mentally, hating how soft he had become. Tosh smiled, giving Owen a one armed hug. "She's not an alien, Owen." She laughed, kissing him on the cheek. Owen's eyes widened, surprised. Toshiko pulled away, practically skipping to her workplace, picking up her coat and purse. "I'm headed home, take care of Ianto." She called, waltzing out of the hub.

Ianto was climbing down from Myfanwy's nest, still wearing his damp suit. Owen watched, eyes taking full advantage of the view. He walked towards Ianto, watching as the Welshman jumped from just a few feet up. Owen caught him by the waist. Ianto started, pleasantly surprised. "Hello, Owen." He said, softly. Owen set him down, hands not leaving his hips. Ianto turned to him, kissing him chaste on the lips. "You still need to shower." Owen murmured. Ianto raised a brow, walked back towards the showers, leading Owen after him.

Owen sauntered over to the couch, joining Ianto. The Welshman moved over to accommodate him, then moved in close, head nuzzling Owen's neck. "This's a new development." Owen noticed, reaching back to loop an arm around Ianto's leg. "Hmmm?" Ianto kissed him softly between his shoulder and neck, enjoying the fact that Owen was wearing nothing but Ianto's sweatpants, and Ianto wore only Owen's boxer shorts and t-shirt.

Owen tensed, feeling Ianto's lips on his shoulder, hovering over the scar that Ianto had put there. "I was aiming for your shoulder, you know." Ianto whispered, warm breath making Owen shiver. "I know. You wouldn't have the heart to kill me after that hot tussle we had just before." Owen shot back. Ianto licked his skin, up to Owen's ear, tongue slipping in and around it, the latching onto his neck, just below his ear. Owen tried to control his breathing, struggling not to make some pathetic sound. He squirmed, trying to twist to face Ianto. Ianto held him still, arms catching his hips and holding him there as Ianto moved closer, now lined up with Owen's tailbone, knees on Owen's sides, squeezing him tight. He bit into Owen's neck, drawing out a repressed moan. Owen relaxed into his touch, pushing closer.

The cog door slid open, alarm going off, just as Owen tilted his head back, making soft noises, Ianto's hand slipping into his sweat pants. Toshiko made a startled sound. Ianto pulled back sharply, sucking his breath in. Owen opened his eyes, perception hazy, eyes glistening black. "Oh God, I'm so sorry." Toshiko apologized, turning and walking right back out the cog door. Ianto shifted, uncomfortable, his stiff member pushing into Owen's back still. Owen growled, pushing back against him, grinding slowly against him. Ianto breathed hard in his ear, licking the tender skin on Owen's neck that was already red, swollen. "Fuck Tosh, it obviously wasn't that important." Owen hissed.

* * *

Toshiko covered her eyes, disbelief washing over her. She knew they were together, but this was a bit much. Ianto always surprised her. Tosh collected herself, deciding that the scarf and paperwork she'd forgotten on her desk could wait for the morning. She headed back out, hoping she'd run into Alex again. A message came across her phone- _late night? I'm at your flat. –A._ Tosh smiled at the message, rushing down the street, not wanting to keep her woman waiting.

* * *

Alex was perched on her kitchen table, fresh flowers in a vase behind her. The door swung open, Toshiko closing it tight behind her. She smiled at Alex, out of breath. "Sorry I'm so late, I forgot all about our plans" "Don't worry about it." Alex pushed herself off the table, walking right up to Toshiko and kissing her full on the mouth. Toshiko gasped, hands going to Alex's shoulders, pulling her closer, feeling Alex's hands rest on her hips. Alex pressed against her, knocking her back into the door.

Toshiko pushed back against her, creating friction between them. Alex slipped a hand down, rubbing up Tosh's leg. Tosh whimpered, grabbing on tighter as her girlfriends hand moved up her thigh. Toshiko bit Alex's lip, tongue running across the soft skin, fingers now running through the woman's short dark hair. Alex pushed her up against the door, hand now touching lightly between Tosh's legs. Tosh lost her grip, now clinging onto Alex's shirt, gasping. She pulled at Alex's t-shirt, fighting until she could pull it up, slipping a hand under, sliding it up Alex's stomach, to her chest, feeling the soft cupped bra, squeezing. Alex nearly lost her balance, hand accidentally pushing harder against Toshiko's hot jeans than she'd intended. Toshiko panted; face now red, hair in her eyes. She concentrated on her task, pulling up Alex's shirt, undoing the bra, fingers pinching and rolling the nipple in between her fingers. Alex leaned in, kissing Toshiko, body brushing up against her. Toshiko pulled back, breaking the kiss. "Bedroom?" Alex picked her up, letting Tosh hook her legs around her waist, stumbling into Toshiko's room.

**reviews? yep hope ya like it.**


	12. Daily Grind

Ianto sat down on the pavement outside the Hub, a few meters away from the invisible lift. He grazed a hand against the rough texture, feeling the cold cement seep into his fingers. He had enough running through his mind to blind him to the world outside. Yet still he saw them, the people rushing to work, parents dragging their children to stores, students, a beggar. He rubbed his cold hands together, sitting on the curb, waiting, wondering how long it'd be until they noticed he was gone. How long until the coffee went cold or Owen needed a fix.

He chewed at his lip, digging in his pocket for something to distract him. The lighter was decorated by a pattern of checkers. He surprised himself, keeping it for so long. It had been ages since he smoked, but somehow the habit of keeping the lighter with him had stuck. Ianto turned it over and over, playing a game where he guessed how much fluid was inside. He jerked his thumb, watching the flame soar up, uninhibited. Ianto stared at the flame, remembering his days back in Uni when his friend had altered it for him, taking the metal cover off, and warning him to be careful with it. Ianto let the flame die, sticking the lighter back in his moment, reaching for his mobile. One missed message from Tosh._ Ianto, you coming into work? Owen doesn't know where you are. _Ianto stood, wishing for a moment that he had a cigarette, before he headed back into the Hub.

* * *

Ianto headed toward the coffee machine, but Owen barred his way. "Gwen's bringing in Starbucks. She'd offered to, and we didn't know where you were, so..." Owen tilted his head, eyes honing in on Ianto's face, searching for something. "Something going on?" He asked, leaning closer. Ianto shook his head. "Just a bit tired." He lied, hoping the tiny innuendo about last night would cover his hidden inner chaos. Owen reached out, touching his arm. "You can tell me?" Owen lifted Ianto's hand to his lips, keeping his gaze on Ianto's eyes. His lips lingered there, tasting Ianto's skin with the tip of his tongue. Ianto pulled him closer, kissing him slowly on the mouth. He felt Owen shiver, fingers brushing against Ianto's cheek. Owen's teeth caught his tongue. Ianto broke away, thrown off. "Mate, I'm serious." Owen pressed closer, backing Ianto into the wall.

"About what?" Gwen asked, announcing her presence. Ianto flinched. Owen pulled back, glaring at her. "Fuck off, PC Cooper. We don't need an audience here." "Well I'm sorry, but this is a professional environment, and" "Stuff professionalism. We were having a bloody private conversation." Owen broke Ianto's grip, charging towards Gwen. Gwen opened her mouth to continue, but Owen's snarl stopped her. "Everyone, there's a weevil sighting!" Toshiko yelled. Owen stormed past Gwen, grabbing his jacket and following Toshiko out the cog door.

* * *

Toshiko closed the SUV door behind her, stun gun in her hand, running after Owen. "Tosh, take the left." Owen ordered, walking around the right side of the building. Toshiko focused, raising her gun, cautiously circling. She heard a weevil screaming, distant noises. Tosh sped up, rushing around the corner, straight at the Weevil. She got in one shot before it slammed into her, taking her to the ground, teeth going for her neck. Toshiko got an elbow in, trying to protect herself, eyes widening when she saw her clothes and skin ripped, blood starting to gush out. The weevil convulsed, Owen's bullets tearing through it. Owen kicked the body, roaring down at it, gun still raised. Toshiko gasped for breath, picking herself up, leaning against the wall of the building. Owen was at her side in an instant, checking her pulse, warning her about shock.

"Shit, we need to get you back to the Hub." Owen set his med bag down beside her, reaching in for supplies. "Wait- my- my girlfriend's flat is just down the street, it's closer." Toshiko said, shivering in the cold. "Right." Owen slapped a trauma pad on her arm, wrapping it tight with gauze. "Hold on, Tosh." Owen slipped her good arm across his shoulders, lifting her gently, checking how well she was coping with the blood loss. He tapped his comm, helping Tosh limp as fast as she could out of the alleyway. "Ianto, we've got a weevil down, maybe dead, same place as the sighting. You mind picking it up? Tosh's injured, we'll get back once I've got her medical attention." Owen said quickly, taking more of Tosh's weight onto him. "Bugger." He hissed. Tosh stumbled, watching blood drip from her arm, surreal, numb. Owen scooped her up, struggling to walk with the added weight.

* * *

Alex jumped, hearing a panicked banging on her door. She rushed to answer it, swinging it open without thinking. Owen pushed past her, ignoring her protest, which died on her lips the moment she saw Toshiko. Tosh was pale, sweating, blood seeping through the bandages. Owen made his way through the kitchen, sitting her down on the sofa, ripping the rest of her coat off, ordering Alex to get a blanket, turn the heat on. "C'mon Tosh, stay awake for me." Owen pulled the bandages off carefully, examining the full extent of the damage. Not as bad as he'd thought. She'd probably suffered a few bruises, bumped her head from the impact. The weevil had gashed her wrist, which caused the massive bleed, and a few other teeth marks had gotten her chest, close to her throat. "Right Tosh, I need you to tell me where it hurts." Owen worked to clean out the gashes, deciding she could do without stitches. Toshiko mumbled softly, eyes unfocused. "Fantastic, you're probably concussed as well." Owen complained, deciding on a thorough skull and spinal examination. He set to work, fingers ghosting over her skin, pushing and testing her bones. Toshiko winced, lifting her head to look down at her wrist. Owen pushed her back down, wordless.

Alex lay the blanket on Toshiko, leaving her upper half uncovered while the medic worked on her. She stood stock still, waiting for him to finish, eyes glued to Toshiko's face, torn between shock and anger. It seemed ages before Owen backed off, surveying his work, nodding to himself. There was an IV in her good wrist, feeding her the blood she'd lost. Alex waited half a moment, then took Owen's place at Toshiko's side. The Torchwood employee blinked up at her, still woozy. "Toshiko?" Alex murmured, taking her good hand, squeezing it. "Tosh, luv, look me in the eye." She leaned in, waiting until Toshiko turned to her. "Tosh, tell me what did this to you. What the hell happened?" Alex ran a hand over the bandages and bruises, something in her chest clenching. She'd never really had a problem with blood, but seeing Tosh like this was tearing her up inside.

Owen set a hand on Alex's shoulder. She turned on him, angry. "What the fuck did this to her?" She demanded. "Accident at work." Owen didn't meet her eyes. "She told me she's not a field agent. Said she does computers." "We're understaffed right now. She got pulled into this. It's my fault." Owen said voice hollow. A sucker punch caught him in the nose, blinding him temporarily. Owen fell, crashing into a kitchen chair. "Tell me the fucking truth." Alex demanded. Owen reached up, feeling blood drip slowly from his nose. He pinched it, shutting his eyes, almost enjoying the hit of pain and rush of blood. "It's a lot more dangerous than she told you." Owen reached down, hand lingering on his holstered gun. Alex's eyes narrowed. "You protected her though." She said. Owen nodded, numb. "I'm sorry we crashed here, but I couldn't just treat her on the street. Usually we've got the SUV, or we can get back to headquarters in time." Owen rubbed his eyes, nose bleed slowing. "You were just- convenient." He admitted.

* * *

Ianto rolled the weevil body down the hallway, into the morgue. His mobile went off, ringtone some sappy song that Owen had put on there. "Hello?" He answered. "Ianto, I'm still with Tosh, she's fallen asleep on her girlfriend's couch. I'm staying the night, just so I can keep checking up on her, make sure the concussion isn't too bad." Owen explained. Ianto nodded. "You need anything?" "Oh, Alex says you can come over, so she doesn't have to entertain me all night." Owen said. "I'll leave Gwen to take care of the Hub. Give me the address; I'll be there in ten."

* * *

**internet issues. thank you so much to everyone who's reviewed, it's great to get feedback!**


	13. Possess and Protect

Ianto nudged Owen, taking up more space on the couch. Owen moved over grudgingly. "Still don't understand why those two get the bed." Owen grumbled. Ianto rolled his eyes, hands lingering close to Owen's hips, teasing at his shirt, touching his waist. "Fuck it Ianto, that butch chick has probably had a whole harem of girls on this couch. Frankly I'm surprised you're not running for the bloody disinfectant. Wouldn't want to catch a disease, now would we?" Owen grumbled. Ianto lifted up Owen's shirt, pushing him down onto the couch, ignoring the doctor's medical analysis of the unsterile couch. Ianto pulled Owen's shirt up to his neck, leaning down and licking the smaller man's nipple.

Owen leaned back, arching his back, one leg wrapped lazily around Ianto's thigh. Ianto nibbled at the sensitive skin, smirking at the goose bumps spreading across what little hair there was on Owen's stomach. He put a hand down on Owen's hip, letting his weight down on the other man. He pinched Owen's other nipple, trying to ignore Owen's tangent about Ianto's usual OCD behavior. "…and that you still haven't passed out from that combination of cleaning products you always insist on using." Owen's hand slid into Ianto's hair, thumb brushing against an ear. "And this fucking couch," He was silenced by a kiss.

* * *

Alex wrapped an arm around Tosh, protective. No way was she letting this babe out of her sight again anytime soon. At least until she knew something more about the job. She pressed a kiss to Tosh's forehead, watching Tosh blink, looking around, somewhat disoriented. "Alex?" She murmured, puzzled. Alex caressed her cheek, leaning in for a kiss. Toshiko moved closer to her lover, curling up in her arms. "Thank you." She said quietly. Alex nodded. "Just try not to get hurt again. Please."

* * *

Ianto rested his head on Owen's chest, relaxing as Owen slowly stroked his back. He pulled the blanket over the two of them tighter, shivering slightly. He looked up as Toshiko walked in, limping slightly, injured arm in a sling. She nodded to him, walking into the kitchen to get a drink. Ianto looked down at his sleepy lover, staring into those loving eyes with more emotion than he'd been aware he was capable of displaying. Owen pushed himself up just enough to bring himself closer to Ianto, one hand down between their bodies.

Ianto stiffened, eyes screaming to Owen that Tosh was still in the room. Owen smirked, pushing closer, one hand tightly wrapped around Ianto. Ianto braced himself against the doctor, head turning, face flushed. Toshiko was limping around the kitchen innocently, fixing herself a cuppa. "Owen, you bastard." Ianto hissed. Owen smirked, pulling Ianto down towards him, hands wandering. Ianto writhed, biting his tongue to keep quiet. Owen started kissing his neck, teeth scraping against soft skin. Toshiko hurried out of the room, sensing she'd walked in on a bit more than she'd bargained for.

* * *

"She's staying." Alex growled, possessive. She had an arm around Toshiko, cradling the Asian woman's head against her shoulder. Toshiko moved in closer, somewhat embarrassed by the whole display. "If something happens though, if she gets worse," Owen warned her. "They need me, Alex. There's no one else who knows the programs as well as I do." Toshiko murmured. Alex ignored her, turning on Owen. "I'm taking care of her until we've decided, together, that she's ready to go back there." She stepped past Toshiko, letting go of her hand. She walked into Owen's personal space, mouth quirked in a challenge. Owen stared back. "Just call me if she gets worse." He snapped turning and walking out. Ianto walked into the room, thanking Alex, giving Toshiko a brief hug, before following Owen out the door.

* * *

Gwen had fallen asleep at her desk, a pile of untouched paperwork right beside her. Ianto picked up the paperwork, deciding he might as well get it done. He shook his head at Owen, knowing the Torchwood employee was already thinking up sinister plots of how to wake Gwen up in the most cruel and inhumane way. Owen just winked at him, walking down into the med bay. Surprisingly, Owen actually made an effort to stay quiet, not waking the sleeping beast that he sometimes called PC Cooper.

Gwen's phone went off. She jumped, cursing and answering it. PC Andy. "Morning Gwen, how's the team?" Andy asked. "Um, holding together. Look Andy, I don't mean to be rude but I just woke up, is something going on?" She asked bluntly. "Whoa, since when can I not call just to wish you good morning? Bejeezus…" Andy trailed off. Gwen tossed her head back, snapping the phone shut. She really wasn't in the mood to have a cuppa with her old PC friend. Besides, she hadn't seen Rhys in a day, she was sure he'd take issue with her spending more time with Andy than with him.

* * *

**be a dear and review?**


	14. Floor

Does he lay awake listening to your breath?  
Worried you smoke too many cigarettes.  
Is he coughing now on a bathroom floor?  
For every speck of tile there's a thousand more  
you won't ever see but most hold inside yourself eternal  
-The Calendar Hung Itself, by Bright Eyes

* * *

Owen leaned against the wall, eyes staring up at the ceiling. A tiny, sticky alien had jumped up there, making weird chirping noises. Ianto had practically categorized it as useless, barely sentient, but cute. Owen had finished tests on the thing, and had been waiting for Ianto to come up with a name for it and stick it in a cell. But somehow Gwen had accidentally let the thing go, and now here Owen was, waiting for the thing to fall down or for something more important to crash into his life. Owen tapped a hand against the wall, watching as the cabbage-sized alien crawled along the ceiling, eerily reminding him of Spiderman.

The day had been drawn out, Rift silent, mainly filled by old autopsies, paperwork, filing, and Owen's snarky attitude. The highlight of the day so far had been Chinese takeout and the sticky alien. It's eyes were bright, big as a strange new animal. It looked like a slimy, rabid, miniature duck, minus the wings. Owen had burst out laughing when he'd seen Gwen and Ianto come in the cog door carrying it in an old dog cage. Apparently the local pound had contacted the police about what they assumed was an abused animal.

"Sticky bomb." Ianto mused to himself. Owen jerked, startled by the uncanny stealth with which Ianto had snuck up on him. "What? You named it?" "The anti-tank grenade from when Churchill was Prime Minister." Ianto had joined Owen, watching the strange alien creep along the ceiling. Owen gave him a puzzled look. "In what universe does that make sense?" He cocked his head, eyes mocking the teaboy. "Never can be sure it's harmless. I'll get a ladder then?"

* * *

Owen stepped into the washroom, hand slipping across the wall, shoes sliding on the tiled floor. He felt the world spin, flashes of light whirling through his head. He fell to the floor, head narrowly missing the sink. His hand curled into a fist, mind blurred by pain. Something was so wrong about the way the light flooded into his eyes. He pushed at the floor, slamming his weight against it, trying to propel himself away from the blood splattered on the floor. Dripping from his mouth. Owen reached a hand up, pulling it away from his mouth bloodied. Perfect. Owen twisted, trying to pull himself to his feet, failing desperately, reaching for something, anything to support him. His hand slipped in the blood, fingers stained with it, nails catching the tiled floor, elbow shooting out from underneath him as he landed flat on his back, head snapping back. Owen stared, wide eyed at the ceiling, panic rattling through his chest.

Ianto shuffled into the washroom, irritated. "Owen, you've been bloody hiding in here forever, the Sticky Bomb situation's not resolving- Owen?" Ianto froze, seeing Owen's body on the floor, still, pool of blood beside him. His eyes were half closed, glazed. Ianto fell to his knees, shock hitting him in waves. He reached a hand out, taking Owen's wrist, searching for a pulse. Owen's eyes opened slowly, unfocused. "Hey." His voice was broken, blood on his lips. "Owen, what happened?" Ianto moved closer, avoiding the blood, worried, scared. "…nothing." Owen said softly, eyes closing. "Owen?" Ianto looked closer, realizing there was something lying on the ground, at Owen's other side. "Owen, stay with me." Ianto ordered, knocking Owen in the ribs as he reached for the object.

* * *

**yup, cliffie for ya. review if you want more. lol hey there torchwoodcardiff.**


	15. Some Odd Sense of Comfort

Toshiko was sitting in the morgue, knees drawn up to her chest, eyes misty with unshed tears. Gwen had her hand over her mouth, shocked at the scene before her. Ianto had opened up one of the drawers, revealing a bald young male corpse, head cut open, dead alien parasite attached to the brain. "Those are the people we took out of the hospital." Toshiko said softly. "What- they all died?" Gwen asked, disbelief clear in her voice. "I had UNIT take care of some of them. They couldn't do anything. They told us to freeze one. In case they come up with a solution someday." Ianto couldn't stop staring at the corpse. "Or if they get bored and just want to experiment." Tosh said, angrily. Ianto zipped the corpse up, sliding it back into storage.

"The tests finished. Owen took an alien drug." Toshiko informed them. Ianto kept his back turned, eyes roaming over the solid wall; memories of the dead seemed to linger here. "Ianto, did you figure out where he found it?" Toshiko asked. "I've searched the archives; I think it came from Jack's, erm- personal collection. It's supposed to be deadly." Ianto said. "Why would Jack keep something like that-?" Toshiko wondered aloud. Ianto shook his head, stomach churning. "I've checked Owen over, he'll be fine, just some side effects. Lowered immune system, coughing up blood, possible fever." Ianto explained. "We'll take him off field work for a few days?" Gwen asked. Toshiko nodded. "But we can't afford to send him home for that long." She added. "Right." Ianto started walking out of the room. "Wait, where's Owen?" Gwen asked. "He's in a cell, sedated. Until he comes to his senses." Ianto said stiffly, leaving the two women to exchange worried looks.

* * *

Janet was keening, obviously irritated by how close she was to Owen. "Fuck off." He snarled, banging the plexiglass to make her go away. He looked up, hearing footsteps approaching. Ianto. Owen ducked his head, staring at the floor. Ianto let himself into the cell, closing the door behind him. Janet finally went silent. Owen rubbed his eye, trying to ignore the guilt and bile in the back of his throat. "Sorry." He said, so quiet that Ianto almost missed it. "Sorry you attempted fucking suicide? Left yourself as just another mess for me to clean up? Or sorry it didn't work?" Ianto tried not to shout. Owen didn't flinch. He kept still, looking at anything but Ianto. He didn't make a sound. "Owen what the hell were you thinking?" Ianto demanded. Owen rubbed at his arm, at the still healing weevil wound, running his tongue over his teeth, tasting coppery, wet blood.

"Why didn't it work?" He asked, almost to himself. Ianto stared, hurt and broken. "Is it because he's different? Because he can't die? Because he's not one of us? Why Ianto? Why can't I even fucking off myself properly?" Owen's voice broke, hand covering his face, preventing Ianto from seeing him lose it. "Owen, what's going on." Ianto came closer, taking his hand, lifting his chin up, forcing Owen to look him in the eye. Owen bit hard on his lip, stifling the dry sob, trying to move his head away. Ianto grabbed him by the shoulders, holding him close.

"Owen, what made you want that." His voice was even, almost calm. "Katie… She won't leave me alone. And, and all those people, the ones we couldn't save. Jack, I killed him, and he's not coming back, and it's my fault, oh god all those people." Owen whispered, voice harsh. Ianto pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back, murmuring softly into his ear, Welsh words that Owen didn't understand. Owen pressed his head into Ianto's shoulder, wet mouth on Ianto's neat suit. Ianto shut his eyes, rocking back and forth slightly, holding his lover, his coworker, the man he'd almost lost.

* * *

Toshiko bit her lip, knocking on Alex's door. It opened slowly, just enough for Alex to appear, body framed between the door and wall. "Um." Toshiko said softly. "You left." Alex said simply. "They called me into work. Said they need me. I, I didn't mean to leave like that." Toshiko tried to apologize. Alex cocked her head, gaze a piercing, dark blue. "I don't want to wake up like that again." She said, fingers wrapping around the door frame. "Ever." Her tone was serious, heavy. Toshiko nodded, head lowered. Alex pushed the door open wide, serious composure lost. "Now get back inside." She ordered. Toshiko looked up, smiling, forgiven.

"So what was the big emergency that called my darling Toshiko away so urgently?" Alex asked, going to the tea kettle and pouring for herself and Tosh. "You remember Owen?" Tosh asked, taking a seat on the kitchen counter. "He's the rude one?" Toshiko nodded. "He tried to- well, it was stupid, and it nearly killed him." Toshiko said, too fast and rushed for Alex to really understand. "Oh?" She asked, handing Tosh a cup of tea. "Thank you. It might have been a suicide attempt, I really don't know. But Ianto's all out of sorts because of it. We all are." Toshiko said honestly. Alex hummed quietly, hand resting on Tosh's knee. Impulsively, Toshiko ran a hand through Alex's short, choppy hair, smiling as the woman moved closer, nuzzling against her. Tosh giggled, tickled by the surprising lick on her wrist. "Care for a little distraction?" Alex murmured, giving a seductive look. Tosh laughed, faking a kick towards Alex's head. Alex caught her foot, mocking pout crossing her face.

* * *

**hmmmmmmmmmm...**


	16. Wake Me in the Night

Ianto woke abruptly, sitting up, some primal sense telling him that the noises coming from the edge of his senses were wrong. Ianto blinked, eyes blurred by sleep. He moved his hands, recognizing Owen's sheets pooled around him, a warm place in the bed where Owen had been. Ianto swallowed, climbing out of bed, fumbling in the dark, confused by the darkness washed with reflections of city lights in the windows. His shin bumped into something. Ianto crouched, hand reaching to grip Owen's shoulder.

The medic was humming under his breath while his fingers clawed carefully at the stitches in his injured arm. Ianto felt a strange trance pull him towards the repulsive self-mutilation. He saw a gleam in Owen's pupils, a hazily distorted look on his face. Ianto tore himself out of limbo, grabbing Owen's arm, pulling him back to reality. Owen's fingers, twisted under his own skin, slipped back out, latching onto Ianto's shirt. Ianto let out a breath, confused.

Owen shivered, pulling Ianto closer, fingers digging at the fabric of the shirt. Ianto could imagine the dried blood under his fingernails, white hands smudged with Owen's own blood. Ianto opened his mouth to speak, then shut it, emotion and fear threatening to choke his voice. "Sorry." Owen whispered. "I- let's get you back to bed." Ianto felt a part of himself melt, drowning in a thick, unknown darkness. It was the same one that always ate at him when he felt the strongest guilt, or the deepest sorrow. Ianto supported Owen, letting the smaller man fall back onto the bed, eyes already closed.

* * *

Alex kissed Toshiko on the jaw, fingers toying with the blankets, one hand reaching back to run down Toshiko's spine. Toshiko's eyes drooped, mouth opening in response to the kiss. "Mmm, don't you have work in the morning? Need some sleep." Toshiko reasoned, nibbling on Alex's earlobe. "We can make up for it later." Tosh pushed a hand down under the covers, foot hooking around Alex's leg, tangling their bodies.

Japenese music suddenly blasted through the room. "shitshitshit!" Toshiko swore, detaching herself from Alex, now wide awake. She stumbled out of bed, finding her clothes in a heap on the floor, grabbing her mobile out of the mess, flipping it open. "Hello?" She tried to answer as politely as she could at 3:22 AM. "Toshiko, this is Ianto. Owen, he's, he's not alright, the drug's still affecting him," Ianto's voice broke. Toshiko could hear Owen's voice mumbling in the background, blankets being moved. "I can take care of him, but I need you in early this morning to help run tests. Please?" Ianto asked. "Of course, Ianto. Are you sure you'll be alright with him?" Toshiko asked. "I, um. Yes." Ianto's voice wavered. "I've got to go, Tosh. Thank you." He hung up.

Toshiko stood still, hand gripping the phone, mind worrying at the puzzle. "Was it work?" Alex called from the bed. Toshiko turned, closing the phone, dropping it back on the pile of discarded clothes. "Yep." She said, short. "What about?" Alex pulled the blankets back, making space for Tosh. "They want me to come in early. It's about Owen." Toshiko explained, still in some form of shock and panic. Alex took her hand, guiding her closer, into a hug. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around the woman, holding her warmth close to her, lips lingering on her collarbone, head nuzzling her throat. "I don't want to leave." Toshiko admitted hands clasped around her lover. Alex smiled.

* * *

Ianto pulled Owen close, hand rubbing his shoulders, one leg between Owen's. Owen was breathing hard, face contorted, fingers still smeared with dried blood. Ianto wanted to wash them, fix Owen up, but he couldn't let go, couldn't bring himself to stop comforting Owen for the brief moment it would take to fetch a wet towel, or take Owen to the sink. Owen buried himself in the covers, head resting now on Ianto's chest, words mixed with uneven breaths. "Ianto?" He murmured, clinging to the Welshman. "I'm here." Ianto assured him. Owen nodded, sick at his own pathetic state. "It's screwing with me." Owen coughed, tasting blood. "When does it stop?" He asked, knowing already that they had no answer. "Maybe it kills me slowly." Owen wondered, hand touching his own throat, pushing softly, wondering where the blood was coming from. "You're not going to die." Ianto said firmly.

Owen moved closer, knee brushing against Ianto's thigh. He leaned his forehead against Ianto's, breathing against his cheek. "It's like it's controlling me sometimes, Ianto." "When?" Ianto asked. "All the time. Just pushing me farther towards the edge. I can't stop." Owen clenched his fist, pulling his arm away from Ianto's waist. "Don't let me hurt you."

* * *

Toshiko walked down into the med bay, Ianto right behind her. Owen was sitting on the autopsy table, studying the floor, arms folded. "Test results?" He asked, raising his head. Toshiko shook her head. "Sorry, Owen. The chemicals you took should be out of your system soon, but we've no way to know how they've affected you long term. Our only method of getting rid of it would have been to pump your stomach you know, and with the bleeding it would have just damaged you further." Toshiko said. "Thanks, Tosh." Owen sighed, looking to Ianto. The Welshman handed him a coffee, fingers lingering on his as the mug passed between them. "We'll have you back in the field by the end of the week." He promised.

* * *

Owen sliced through the carcass, scowling at the flesh that peeled back so easily from his scalpel. This wasn't enough. He felt useless here, cutting through another cold, dead body, not slaving over the living. This was a frozen microwave dinner in comparison. Owen took another look at the body, examining the chest he'd already excavated. There was nothing, no signs of a heart attack, no signs of struggle, just the bullet hole. They'd bled out, no one to save them. The only reason their death even meant anything to Torchwood was that the Blowfish had put a bullet through their chest. They were nothing but another casualty to Torchwood. Owen dropped the scalpel back onto the table, frustrated.

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**review? give me some feedback. or some opinions, ideas. all welcome.**


	17. Don't Want to Lose

"C'mon, Tosh, it's a simple job. Blowfish aren't exactly anything unusual." Owen whined. "I'm sorry Owen, we can't bring you along. We don't want to risk complicating your condition." Toshiko focused on the computer program she was running, tracking down the blowfish. "Besides, we probably won't even find him tonight, he popped up just a few days ago, has been quiet for some time. There's no way to find him unless he sticks his head out." Toshiko explained. Owen grunted, leaving just as abruptly as he'd come.

* * *

Ianto raised an eyebrow, looking over the tests that Owen had done with some help from Toshiko. "You sure you didn't meddle with this?" He asked Owen, softly. Owen held his gaze, shaking his head. "Chemicals have run their course, mate. I'm clean." He said. "Doesn't mean they didn't leave anything behind." Toshiko reminded him. "Oh, piss off, Tosh." Owen snarled. She flinched, walking up the stairs, missing the angry look Ianto flashed at Owen.

"What? Look, does this mean I can come along or what?" "Tomorrow night. Go home, Owen." Ianto said firmly. "What, you're letting me out all on my own? That's new." Owen smirked. Ianto began to walk up the stairs. Owen grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Ianto." He said, voice losing the anger. "Please. I don't want you to get hurt just because I'm stuck here. You need me." Owen said, voice pleading. "You should have thought of that before you tried to kill yourself, Owen." Ianto jerked his arm out of Owen's grasp, marching up the stairs.

* * *

The door opened, cold air coming in. Owen was asleep on the couch, goose bumps rising in response to the chill. Ianto walked towards him, touching his shoulder gently. Owen shifted, waking slowly. "Ianto?" He yawned, hand reaching blindly toward the Welshman. Ianto took his hand, guiding him to his own lips, kissing his hand softly. Owen relaxed, hand tracing Ianto's face, down to his neck- he froze, fingers feeling something hot, wet. "Fuck." Owen sat up, eyes straining in the dark to get a glimpse. "Owen, it's nothing." "Why the bloody fuck would you come back here then?" Owen snapped, pulling Ianto with him over to the light switch, sucking a breath in when the light blinded him and he saw the blood slowly but steadily dripping from a cut under Ianto's chin. He pulled Ianto into the bathroom, grabbing the first aid kit, and setting to work.

"Christ, Ianto, you've probably lost at least a unit of blood, this must've been practically gushing earlier." Owen chastised him, mopping up the blood just long enough to start stitching it up. "It's not that bad," Ianto said. "Don't talk, teaboy, I'm trying to suture your fucking jaw." Owen rubbed his eye, trying to stay alert. "So this was the blowfish, I expect?" He asked. Ianto started to shake his head, immediately realizing how stupid that was. He grunted a 'no' through gritted teeth. Owen had given him some sort of local anesthetic, not enough to fully numb him. "Weevil?" Owen asked. Another grunt. "We should play charades; you're so good at giving clues." Owen smirked, cutting off the last suture.

It really wasn't as bad as he'd thought earlier. Only took three stitches, but it was deep. He pulled away just enough to let Ianto feel the stitches, get used to them. Owen's face was still just a couple inches away, watching Ianto worriedly. "That alleyway when you cut between a pub and a business building to get here faster." Ianto explained. "He tried to mug me."

Owen went rigid, face darkening. "Bloody tosser." He growled. Ianto leaned in, kissing him softly on the cheek. "Thank you, Owen." He murmured. Owen didn't acknowledge the gesture. Ianto kissed him again, this time on his ear, slowly working his way down Owen's neck, to his collarbone, one hand sliding smoothly across Owen's waist. Owen stopped his hand. "You really shouldn't be doing that, love." He warned. Ianto frowned. "We're not reopening any stitches." Owen said sternly.

"You're one to talk." Ianto ran a finger over Owen's arm. They'd fixed the stitches, but it was still a mess. There would be an ugly scar when it healed. "We should take the stitches out of this soon anyway." Ianto felt the rough texture of scar tissue and sutures under his finger. Owen shrugged, as if he didn't care about gangrene or infections. "You can't be out in the field firing guns and working on people if you have an open wound, Owen. You'll catch something." Ianto reasoned with him.

Owen rolled his eyes. "I'll wear long sleeves, thanks very much." He pulled his arm back to his side, Ianto following. Owen kissed his lips, tasting coffee and pizza. "You ordered meatlover's without me?" Owen gasped, in mock surprise. Ianto's lips quirked into half a smile. Owen ran a finger along Ianto's jaw. Ianto lowered his head, taking Owen's finger in his mouth, sucking on it, tongue playing with the tip, cheeks hollowing as he leered at Owen. The Londoner's face reddened. "Fuck, Ianto. Don't be such a bloody tease." He growled.

Ianto's hand was up his shirt already, twisting Owen's nipple. Owen made a small sound, eyes closing at the mix of pain, relief, pleasure. He nipped at Ianto's finger, pushing Ianto up against the bathroom counter, his hands trailing down Ianto's dirty suit, undoing buttons as quick as he could. His hands reached Ianto's trousers, unbuttoning, unzipping as he dropped to his knees, tongue on Ianto's navel, dipping down between Ianto's legs. Ianto dug his finger into the table, gripping tight. He leaned back, eyes closing with the rush of sensations. Owen hummed softly, doing impossible things with his tongue, mouth closing around Ianto's length, pushing him deep down into Owen's throat.

* * *

Ianto slumped, legs giving out, nearly landing on top of Owen. Owen was breathing hard; head leaned back against the wall, hands still on Ianto's hips, holding him there. "Fucking gorgeous, Owen." Ianto said softly, fingers running through Owen's hair, down the back of his neck. "Thank you." He leaned in to kiss the Londoner. Owen ducked his head, kissing Ianto's throat.

"Owen, I want us to stay like this." Ianto said, voice soft, spent. Owen smiled, knowing Ianto's voice was hearse from yelling his lover's name. "I don't care what the others think. Don't care if you're a complete bastard. I want to fucking marry you." Ianto said, sincerely. Owen laughed harshly. "That's post-coital talking. You're just like a bloody woman, getting all cuddly after sex." Owen smirked. Ianto frowned, fingers tangled in Owen's short hair. "I'm serious, Owen. I don't want to lose you." He whispered.

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**review?**


	18. Unwanted

Just one moment, and all of it came crashing down. The web they'd spun together, trying to fix their broken world. The closer relationships they'd built together, the trust, it all fell apart. As if none of it mattered, now that He was back. Ianto was in shock. He couldn't understand the look Owen was giving him, the mix of emotions that twisted his beautiful face. Owen's hands were covered in the blood of a dying man.

If Jack hadn't been there, would Ianto have shot soon enough? Would he have been strong enough to save them? The questions and confusion left Ianto weak. All he could see was that coat, that perfect combination of pheromones overwhelming his senses, the smile that welcomed him home, the eyes that spoke volumes, years of suffering and love. Ianto ran to him. He didn't see Owen's heart stop, or the reactions of the rest of the team.

His eyes were wide open, shock, disbelief. Arms stiffly wrapped around the man who had deserted him. He couldn't speak. Jack held him, then pulled back, rambling on about how his Welshman must be so glad to see him. Ianto couldn't bring himself to look at him again. There was a stab in the centre of his chest, remembering those brown eyes that now loved him openly. He turned, watching Owen. The medic had given up on saving a life. His bloodied hands were on his knees now, eyes staring at his failure, at the body. As if he didn't care what was going on with Jack and Ianto. He looked up, meeting Ianto's eyes.

* * *

"You deserve to be happy." Owen said, voice hollow, scrutinizing the wall. "Owen, why won't you fucking LOOK at me." Ianto demanded, voice coming dangerously close to breaking. "Hey Ianto, any chance of a coffee?" Jack was smiling that shit-eating grin that pissed Owen off to no end. He ripped his hand out of Ianto's grip, storming out of the conference room. Ianto stared after him. Jack walked towards Ianto, hand touching his shoulder. "I've missed you." He said. Ianto nodded, silent. He looked at Jack's throat, at the perfect skin. "Did I interrupt something?" Jack's smile faltered, concerned, trying to bridge the gaps of months apart with all the desperation of a lost child. Ianto looked up, face a mask once more. "I'll get you the usual then?" He left before Jack could stop him. Before Jack could see the crack in his facade, the silent tear running down his cold cheek.

The conference room was silent. Jack ran a hand over the back of a chair, remembering all of the years he'd spent here. The things he'd seen. The weight of it resting on him. He breathed in deep, pulling himself together, reminding himself why he was here. Why he was still alive. The only purpose he had.

* * *

_I'm not telling him._ Ianto blinked at the message on his phone, setting another fresh mug off coffee on the tray. _Why not?_ He sent the text with one hand, waiting for the next mug to fill up. _He came back for you. He deserves to hear it from you. Not from the shithead who killed him and jumped in bed with his partner the moment he left. _Owen's response had been typed slowly, deliberate. Ianto shut his eyes, picking up the tray. He knew what Owen meant. They both knew Owen was more than that. But Jack couldn't comprehend the real situation. Ianto walked over to Gwen's desk, then Tosh's, setting Owen's mug down on the steps to the med bay. He saved Jack's mug for last.

Jack looked up from the heaping pile of paperwork, hearing the knock on the door. "Come in." He took his feet off the desk, uncrossing his arms. Ianto stepped in, looking around, noticing how the room seemed completely different with Jack's presence filling it. "Your coffee, sir." He said simply, setting the mug down where Jack's boots had rested moments ago. "Thank you, Ianto." Jack reached for it. Ianto nodded, turning his back. Jack opened his mouth to speak, then stopped. Ianto wasn't walking out.

"I'm seeing someone." Ianto spoke to the door. Jack froze, coffee millimeters away from his lips. He knocked it back, swallowing, inhaling the rich aroma he'd missed for a year. He waited for the Welshman to go on. He didn't. "Some pretty girl you met?" Jack asked, taking another gulp of coffee. "No, sir." Ianto tucked the tray under his arm, pausing. "I love him."

Jack let the silence come in, smoothing over the tension, the pressure. "You want me to do something about it?" He asked, head tilted. Ianto turned, meeting his gaze. "I want you to let it happen, Jack. I want you to accept it. Regardless of how you feel about me. Let go of what happened between us, and just move on." Ianto's voice was firm, fingers gripping the tray tightly. Jack watched the Welshman's knuckles go white, eyes flashing as if he seriously considered throwing the tray at him. "Jack?" Ianto asked, voice torn, emotional. "Okay." Jack said. Ianto walked out.


	19. Dirty

I want your goodbye to feel like explosives,  
Your lips, a burning building without fire escapes.  
Your hips the gates of hell if I know if heaven exists,  
But this will do just fine.  
I wanna feel you like the lifelines on the palms of Jesus when the nails went through is that really, really creepy?  
-Andrea Gibson

Just to let you know, I will be loosely following the plot of season two. Loosely.

* * *

Ianto walked towards the SUV, pulling Owen along. The medic was feverish, still limping from the bullet wound in his hip. Ianto climbed in, starting the engine, waiting for Owen to maneuver his half-numb body into the vehicle. Screw Jack and the others, they could take the car. Ianto was pissed. He took the brake off, driving towards his flat. "Taking me to A&E?" Owen asked. "As lovely an experience as that would be, I think we'd avoid a lot of questions by taking this back to my flat." Ianto said calmly. Owen eyed him, calculating. "He pissed you off, didn't he?"

Bluntly ignoring the question, Ianto pushed his foot farther down on the accelerator, hands gripping the wheel. "Did he threaten you?" Owen asked, voice lowered now, dangerous. "Yes. John put a gun to my head, alright?" Ianto snapped, losing his patience.

"I meant Jack. John obviously assaulted every fucking one of us." He was sitting at an awkward angle, hands keeping pressure on his wound. "I told him I was seeing someone. He said he'd respect that. And then later tonight, after his ex and psychotic mass murderer showed up, he asked me out on a date." Iatno went on. "And I said okay."

Ianto kept his eyes on the road, not wanting to see Owen's reaction. "Well, fuck." Owen said, voice odd, as if choked. Ianto glanced over. Owen was looking at the wheel, watching Ianto's hands twist the wheel, fingers sliding across it. The silent questions and confusion hung in the air. Ianto held his breath waiting for Owen to say something, anything. At least burst out in rage or accusation. Not this weird silence. As if he'd given up. Wasn't surprised.

"Sometimes I feel like such a slut, Owen." Ianto said softly. "I used to think I was clean. Relatively speaking. I never was afraid of catching something, I never had any moral issues with what I was doing, sexually. But I see Toshiko, and Gwen, and goddammit all of my family. And they're all so perfect, Owen. As if they've never given in to something they wanted. Gwen cheated, but she felt real remorse, I think. It wasn't just the engagement, it was love and she actually felt sorry." Ianto continued, glancing over at Owen again.

"And then here I am. Not any fucking wife or kids. I'm nothing that my parents wanted. I don't even have a proper girlfriend." Ianto swallowed, trying to stop the words from spilling out of his mouth. Somehow, Owen's bloodied hand was resting on his shoulder, some form of comfort. "And God hates me, right? He hates what I am."

* * *

Ianto stopped the car, parking in front of his building. He reached to open the car door. Owen grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Ianto. Why didn't you tell me?" Owen whispered. Ianto blinked, eyes burning, throat clenching up. "What?" He asked. "That you hate this." Owen was staring at him, concern etched in his face. "What you are. What we've done." Owen took his hand off of Ianto, gaze dropping. "I thought you were happy. Thought _we_ were happy."

"We are, Owen." Ianto twisted, hand reaching for him. Owen snapped out of his seatbelt, getting out of the SUV considerably fast, despite his injury. Ianto followed, easily catching up to him. "Owen, I don't hate you. Don't hate us." He said, desperate to explain himself. "I hate the way I feel so wrong each time I pass a church, as if my family's all still here, glaring at me, judging me for being a sinner." Ianto walked beside Owen up the stairs, towards his flat.

"I hate the way people look at us, when we're in public. Not as if they hate us, they just don't accept us like they would a straight couple. And I hate the way Jack looks at me. As if he can't even see me as anything innocent anymore. I'm dirty." Ianto jammed the key into the lock, twisting, popping the door open.

He led the way to the bathroom, retrieving the first aid kit, setting up on the kitchen table. Owen headed over to the fridge, browsing for food. He ended up with a few cups of pot ramen, which he started cooking before joining Ianto on the table. Ianto pulled Owen's pants down, examining the wound. He worked silent, efficient, cleaning out dried blood and dirt.

"You're not dirty." Owen put a hand on Ianto's, guiding his fingers deeper into the wound, retrieving a small piece of glass. How it had gotten in there, neither of the two men knew. "Loving someone isn't a sin." Owen grazed Ianto's jaw with is thumb, fingers finding their place behind Ianto's ear, tracing patterns through his hair. "Your family can't control you anymore, you make your own decisions, and if this makes you happy, then why would you feel guilty?" Owen sucked a breath in, feeling Ianto begin to suture the wound closed. "It's not worth it. Hating yourself for being happy. Just because it doesn't fit into their little box of 'how our son should have sex'."

Ianto didn't respond. He kept stitching, wiping blood, finishing the last suture and beginning to bandage the wound. "You don't understand, Owen. We- I wanted kids. I wanted a little girl, a princess. I wanted someone to love and devote my life to. Me and Lisa," His voice caught. "We wanted kids. More than anything. And I just wanted to be able to walk with them all the way to Mass. And have the priest smile at us for coming regularly. And I wanted my parents to see that smiling grandchild, so proud of their son for raising the next kid in the same church. They'd see the love I showered her in. And they'd wish they'd loved me more." Ianto finished bandaging Owen's hip, hands lingering there.

"That's fucked up."  
"I know."  
"Christ, Ianto. Do your parents know?"  
"About us?"  
"About anything. How much you resent the way they treated you. How much they hurt you."  
"I haven't talked to them in ages. I think my tad died. A few years ago."  
"You _think_ so?"  
"It was just before Canary Warf… I wasn't exactly checking up on the family. I've opened up to my sister, but she hasn't said, so I really don't know."  
"Ianto, does you mum even know you're alive?"  
"Why the fuck would she care?"  
"Because she's bloody human." Owen snapped. Ianto's fingers were digging into his ribcage, keeping him seated. "Take your bloody clean hands off, Ianto. Noodles are done." Owen started to stand. Ianto pushed down right on Owen's hip, making the medic yelp in pain, sitting right back down. "What now?" Owen demanded.

"I want to know about your family. I told you, now it's your turn."  
"They wouldn't accept me as a fucking perfect kid, Ianto. Then they found out I was bisexual or something. I tried to come out. My da' put me right back in the closet and locked it. Is that enough? Or do you want to hear about the run of the mill 'my da' beat me and I'm scared for life'? He did. He tried to beat the gay out of me, Ianto."  
"Owen, I'm sor-"  
"You're sorry? Well then shut the fuck up and stop asking questions. It doesn't matter to me. Shouldn't matter to you. Yeh, I get it, your family sucked at accepting you or letting you do what you really wanted. Doesn't mean you have to let that screw up the rest of your life."  
"…do you still talk to them?"  
"My da' left when I was young. My mum threw me out on the streets. I think I have a little brother, but my mum never let me see him."

Ianto released him, now numb. Owen stood up, weak with pain, but strengthened by that stubborn pride that made him walk over to the noodles and finish cooking them, rummaging around for clean utensils. He walked back over to Ianto, handing him a bowl. Ianto accepted it, eating the ramen without complaint. He waited for Owen to finish eating and say the shit that was on his mind.

"I need to sleep. Are we mature enough to share a bed, or would you prefer I sleep on the couch so you don't have to confess to Jesus next Sunday?" Owen cocked his head.

Ianto raised an eyebrow. "You'll need help getting undressed." He said simply. Owen smirked.

* * *

Awesome people review.


	20. Letting Go

Of course, they could've just told him face to face. Just casually let it slip that they were fucking each other. But no. Typical that they'd forget Jack lived in the Hub, 24/7.

Owen was on his knees. Ianto was leaning back against the brick wall, breath coming in gasps, muffled groans echoing through the hallway. "Fuck, Owen." Ianto hissed, hips bucking. His fingers grabbed at Owen's hair, trying to get a good grip, pulling him in closer, smiling as he heard Owen choke. They were way past any worry of gag reflex, but Owen was struggling to breathe. Ianto sighed, getting even harder when Owen looked up at him with those gorgeous brown eyes, lips closing over Ianto's length, swallowing him deeper. And his tongue… Ianto tilted his head back, hissing his words through clenched teeth, fingers clenching on Owen's short hair.

Jack had heard the noises. Part of him knew what was going on. He kept telling himself he was just worried. He'd sent the girls home hours ago, and assumed Owen had left as well. But now, walking deeper into the Hub, the sounds getting louder…. And then that unmistakable, beautiful Welsh voice, shouting Owen's name.

He turned into the hallway just in time to see Ianto thrust into Owen's mouth, hard, one last time, the smaller man swallowing his seed. The look on Ianto's face was fucking sacred. His lips were open, eyes glazed over, fingers clutching Owen's head. Jack cleared his throat.

Owen pulled away, giving Ianto one last lick, before pulling the Welshman's pants up, turning to face Jack. He placed himself between the two. Jack saw a dab of white on the edge of Owen's lips. The Londoner reached up, wiping it off on his hand. Ianto was still leaning against the wall, recovering. He didn't acknowledge Jack, if he even realized he was there.

"Jack." Owen eyed up the immortal, adjusting his dirty, rumpled shirt. "You need something?" He asked. Jack looked past him, watching Ianto come out of his haze, turning to face him.

"When you said you were doing someone, you didn't say it was Owen fucking Harper." Jack said. Ianto cocked his head to the side, neck popping. "Not really your business who I screw." He said, nonchalantly. Jack stared.

"Do you mind, we were sort of in the middle of something." Owen drawled. He was still hard. Jack could see, from the way he stood, the way his jeans were suddenly too tight, his eyes a little brighter than normal. "Actually, I do mind. This is a workplace. Since you two can't keep the volume down enough for me to fucking hear myself think, I'm going to ask you to leave." Jack ordered.

"Bullshit." Ianto growled. "Yeah, since when is this a sex-free workplace?" Owen strode towards Jack, blocking his view of the Welshman. "And why the hell do you care what Ianto does? You never gave a fuck." Owen snarled, coming dangerously close to Jack, his fists clenched.

Jack's face darkened. The entire year he'd been gone, he'd thought of Ianto. Worried about what Saxon would do to him. Been terrified that he'd never be able to undo the damage. He could have lost him so easily, having never said goodbye. And here his Welshman was, fucking the scum that shot Jack, floored him with a bullet to the head, opened the Rift and nearly destroyed everything, for the most selfish reasons-

Jack went for his throat. His fist crushed Owen's neck, which was weakly defended by his shoulder. Owen coughed, snarling, coming right back at him. Jack slammed a fist into his stomach, punching his head, Owen's defense crumbling.

Ianto stared, feeling numb. He watched Jack slam Owen's face down onto his own knee, blood covering Owen's face, fists flying, voices snarling. It looked like something out of that film Fight Club. Just as many vicious moves, but without all the falsity and cinema slow motion shots. Owen had taken Jack to the floor with a well-aimed kick and had gotten in a few blows to the immortal's head. But now Jack was taking over, slamming Owen into the concrete floor, leaving bloodstains.

Jack pulled back, not even aiming, watching Owen look up, not even protecting himself from the next punch. Not flinching or cowering. Just waiting for the pain. Ianto caught Jack's wrist. Jack blinked, looking up into his eyes.

"Get off of him." Ianto growled. Jack sat up on his knees, looking down at the bleeding, bruised body of Doctor Owen Harper.

Ianto watched as his captain walked away, not looking back, fist still clenched. He knelt down beside Owen, looking over the damage that his ex-lover had wrought. Owen squinted up at him, blood flowing from a cut on his forehead, dripping into his eye. "Hey." His mouth was bloody. Ianto felt sick, watching him struggle to sit up, hip already sore from the night before, ribs now likely bruised, face bloody.

This was what he had to look forward to. Watching Jack flinch every time they walked side by side. Watching Owen self-destruct in such a pointless way. Taking it out on himself. Feeling like crying when he saw the pain Owen went through because of his own stupid actions. Ianto bit his lip and kept breathing.

* * *

Jack watched the two walk through the Hub. Owen was limping, face bandaged up, but pretty well put together considering. Ianto turned, seeing Jack standing just outside his office. Jack cursed under his breath. Owen stumbled, cursing in pain. Ianto stepped back, eyes on Jack as Owen grabbed his jacket, heading towards the cog door. "Your place or mine?" He asked simply. "Yours." Frankly, Jack was surprised that the two hadn't moved in already. He'd been looking over CCTV. He didn't know when this had started, but it had been going on steadily enough that it was stupid to keep up charades like this.

"You want to go to Mass tomorrow?" Owen asked, pulling his jacket on. Ianto shook his head. "Don't think they'd like it much if I went back again." He said, honestly. "We could go somewhere else. Different priest, wouldn't know you." Owen suggested. "We need a break from it, Owen. And you need to rest." Ianto said, voice firm. Owen snorted. "Yeah, cuz no one ever gets hurt in our line of work."

* * *

review?


	21. Fool Me, Kiss Me

The moment seemed to stretch forever. Ianto's gaze drifting over Jack, the closest he would get to saying goodbye. The cog door started to roll open, both men turning their backs on him, "Owen." Jack said. They froze. Owen turned his head towards his Captain. The light from the tourist's office gave him a haunting profile, one eye swollen, lip split, a white bandage just below his temple.

"Owen. My office." Jack said. The two lovers by the door exchanged looks. Jack didn't stay to see their reactions. He stepped back into his office, leaning against his desk, arms across his chest. The door opened slowly, respectfully. Owen stepped in, shutting the door behind him, resting his back against it. He waited, silent.

They stayed that way for a minute, each waiting for the other to end the stillness. "I'm sorry." Jack uncrossed his arms, setting his palms on the surface of the table. "I didn't mean to leave like that. Or put you in the position that I did. Owen, I didn't mean to treat him, or make him think that I didn't care. That he was just another fuck to me." Jack watched Owen's face, searching for a response.

"I never wanted to hurt you, Owen. Not like this. Not when everything's so difficult already, godDAMMIT." He lost control, snarling angrily the last few words.

"I'm not angry, Jack. I knew what I was doing to you. Taking away the one thing you had, and turning him against you like this. Making him choose. I know he still wants you." Owen murmured.

Jack's head jerked up, mouth open. "Owen, for me it was a year. A year without him, without any of you. Trapped. They tortured me, Owen. Said they were going to kill all of you. I was so afraid of losing him…" He trailed off.

"We're safe Jack. No one died. We survived, without you. Stop making such a big deal of this, it's not like it's the first time we've attacked each other." Owen's voice was off, probably because of the way Jack had smashed his nose. Owen rubbed at his neck, uncomfortable, thoughtful.

"This was different, Owen. I really hurt you this time." Jack stepped forward, watching warily for any sign of retreat, protest. Owen stayed still. He blinked when Jack's fingers touched his cheek. Ran over the dark bruise beneath his eye, then over his torn lip.

"They… changed me, Owen. I think they twisted me. Made me… more angry." He was so close. Face inches away from Owen, one hand on his arm, just above his old, still healing injury. And the Londoner wasn't moving. His eyes flickered, breath shallow. "You forgave me for killing you, Jack. The least I can do is repay the favor." Owen murmured. "You don't have to forgive me." "But I want to."

Jack narrowed his eyes, noticing the tension in the air between them. The way Owen's lip was quivering. The smaller man licked his lips, breathing out, mouth wet with his saliva. Jack swallowed, eyes on Owen's lips. "I need him." Jack whispered. Owen felt Jack's breath on his wet lips, making him shiver so slightly that their noses almost touched. He turned his head slightly, just enough to let Jack come closer.

"We both needed that, you know." Owen said as quietly as he could. "The release, the pain. It's something we have in common." He went on. "Mm." Jack agreed, his hand slipping from Owen's elbow to his chest, slipping inside his unzipped jacket, thumbing his sensitive nipple.

Owen inhaled sharply, his lips bumping into Jack's nose softly, just enough. Jack stepped in closer, body pressed flesh against Owen's. He leaned in, kissing Owen, the corner of his mouth, tight lipped, chaste. There was nothing chaste about the way his other hand now grabbed at Owen's arse. Owen bit into his own lip, hard, fighting the moan that was building up in his chest. Jack twisted his nipple, knowing exactly how sensitive it was.

"Jack." Owen mumbled, trying desperately to keep his voice level. Jack smiled, leaning in, lips catching Owen's, pulling his waist in while he pushed Owen back, hips pushing Owen into the desk. He forced his tongue in, kissing him passionately, hands roaming-

"Jack!" Owen bit down on Jack's tongue, and then shoved him away forcefully, turning and rushing out the door. Jack panted, face hot, smiling.

* * *

_Sorry. It's been a year. I couldn't stop myself._ Owen stared at the text, quickly deleting it. "Who was that?" Ianto asked from the driver's seat. "Nothing. Jack's just being a bastard." Owen growled. Ianto looked over at him worriedly. "What did you two talk about?" He asked. "He apologized. I apologized. Then he tried to kiss me." Owen snorted. Ianto jerked his head back. "What?" "You know how he gets. All fatherly. Like we're fucking chicks and he's the mother hen. God, he's worse than Gwen." Owen laughed. Ianto chucked, face lighting back up. He'd fixed things then. Good.

* * *

Owen flipped the lights on, dropping his rucksack down on a kitchen chair, opening up the cupboards, searching for food. Ianto walked past him, into the bedroom, searching for a decent pair of sweats.

He heard the sound of a beer popped open, utensils clattering. Ianto rested his head on against the wall, shutting his eyes. Waiting. Just a matter of minutes and he would be back where he belonged. Curled up in Owen's arms, cheek warm against his, noses touching, sharing the same breath, and "Here we are." Owen interrupted, pressing a cold beer into Ianto's hand. The Welshman curled his lip. "Owen, I thought we were headed to bed." He said, voice cool. "Don't be such a stick in the mud, teaboy." Owen reached up, ruffling Ianto's hair, smiling at the way it stuck up on end. Ianto whined softly, accepting the beer. He followed Owen over to the window, following his gaze, looking out over the view.

Ianto touched the glass, and then pulled away, watching the detailed texture of his warm hand pressed against cold glass slowly fog up and then fade away. Each line and detail of his skin vanishing into the glass. Owen took in a breath to speak, then released it. He took another gulp of beer, turning to look at his lover.

"Did you mean it?" He asked, abruptly. Ianto turned, startled out of his reverie. "Sorry?" "That thing you said. The other night. About wanting- about getting marri" Owen turned away, clenching his teeth. "What?" Ianto frowned. He reached out, touching Owen's jaw, turning his chin to face him. Owen kept looking away, eyes guilty, scared. "Owen, what are you talking about?" "Um… About being okay with us, even though your church is angry and all that." Owen lied quickly, eyes darting to Ianto's face, faking a sad, unsure expression.

"Of course I am, Owen." Ianto frowned, searching his lover, unable to shake the feeling that there was something there, something more that Owen needed… "I'm going to stay, Owen. I'm not leaving." He took Owen's hand in his, threading his fingers between his, pulling Owen closer, into a hug. Owen's arms wrapped around him, tight. He mumbled something, desperately, quietly. It could have been 'I told you.' Or something about olive juice. Or that the moon was too bright. Ianto really wasn't sure. But some part of him really believed it was 'I love you'. And he prayed that someday Owen would say it to his face.

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hope you like it! your reviews keep me writing. and they make me happy (:


	22. Just a Bruise

Owen smiled, fingers running over Ianto's skin, tracing down his sternum, down his almost visible rib. He made a mental note to restock the kitchen. So this is what it was like. To wake up next to someone knowing they would be there tomorrow. Knowing that he didn't want to be alone anymore. He was done waking up to a cold, empty bed, showering and eating by himself. Owen yawned, curling in closer towards Ianto's warm body. He nuzzled into the Welshman's chest, chin touching Ianto's nipple.

Ianto stirred, pulling the blankets up higher instinctively. He grumbled, arm tightening around Owen. The Londoner looked up, barely making out Ianto's face in the darkened light. "Hey." He whispered. Ianto sat up slightly, twisting down to kiss his cheek. Owen leaned into the kiss, pushing Ianto back down flat on his back. "Been dreaming?" He murmured, adjusting himself so he was half lying on Ianto's chest. "Maybe…. You?" "Nope. Don't remember anything." Owen admitted. He slid a finger across his collarbone, lips ghosting a kiss over the base of his throat. Ianto reached a hand up underneath the covers, feeling Owen's spine.

Owen arched his back slightly, just enough to feel Ianto's fingers pressing against him. Each vertebra smooth beneath his fingers. "So? Good dream, bad dream?" Owen settled back down, relaxing, soothed by Ianto's caress. "Mix of everything. Space dolphin, killer rainbows, murdered children." Ianto's hand went limp, resting on the back of Owen's neck. "You ever seen a kid die?" Owen said softly. Ianto was silent. "I don't mean young. I mean a baby. Just under 5. When they know their ABC's, but can't understand half of the world." Owen murmured. Ianto shivered slightly. He felt his lover shift, pulling up the blanket, keeping him warm.

There was a weird logic and a strange beauty in the way Owen spoke. His voice was low, soft, loving. His words were like dark, morbid poetry. Lines running through his head. "No." Ianto said. He felt a darkness curling in his gut, wondering how many kids Owen had watched die. How many hands he had held. "You?" He asked. "Yeh. Of course. I just hate… hate looking into their eyes." Owen swallowed.

He reached an arm around Ianto's neck, resting his head between the Welshman's neck and shoulder. "It makes me think about how much they've lost." Owen whispered, voice muffled.

* * *

It was after the Sleeper agent. Owen was cleaning up the autopsy bay when Jack came down the steps. Jack ran his hand down the railing, watching as Owen slid drawers closed, hanging his lab coat off. "Everyone else's gone home, Owen." "On my way out, Jack." Owen replied, pulling his coat on. He stepped past Jack, reaching for the rail. Jack stepped into his path. Owen raised an eyebrow.

* * *

Ianto looked up from his plate, startled by the front door swinging open. Owen was swearing angrily, shaking water off of him, dripping wet. He ran a hand through his hair, walking over towards the bathroom, ignoring Ianto. "FUCK. Bastard cocky cock. Shit…" Owen shut the door behind him. Ianto dropped his fork, going straight to the bathroom door, swinging it open.

Owen's hands were on the edge of the bathroom sink, head lowered as he took in each shaking breath. He was shivering with cold. Ianto reached out, touching his hand, feeling his cold skin. "Owen," He murmured, pulling Owen's jacket. "What happened, Owen?" He hissed. "n-nothing." Owen breathed. Ianto grabbed his chin, forcing Owen to face him. He was dripping wet, but physically there was nothing wrong with him. The bruises and cuts on his face were almost completely healed. "Just cold outside." Owen mumbled. Ianto narrowed his eyes. "Don't lie to me." Ianto didn't mean to sound so desperate. Water dripped down Owen's face. There was no way to distinguish between water or tears.

Ianto leaned in towards Owen, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin against him, no matter how freezing cold he was. Owen shivered violently, pulling away. "I need to shower. Hypothermia and all." Owen dropped his gaze. Ianto opened his mouth to speak, but already Owen was stripping, turning the shower on, not seeming to care if Ianto stayed with him.

The shower door wouldn't close. Ianto was forcing it open. Owen stepped back. Ianto stepped into the shower, still halfdressed. He pulled off his now wet shirt, flinging it onto the floor. Owen retreated, his back against the wall. Ianto advanced, reaching out to touch his shoulder. "Owen, talk to me." He murmured. He turned the water hotter, knowing how cold Owen must be. "Come here." Ianto whispered. Owen chewed his lip. He stepped closer, allowing Ianto to wrap his arms around him, pulling him close, lips on his neck.

Owen felt the rush of water hit his back, Ianto carefully soaping his chest, his arms, lips brushing against his wet skin. He shut his eyes, hand on the wall to brace himself. Ianto continued, washing down his body. And then all too suddenly, it stopped. Owen squinted, trying to see through water and steam. Ianto's hands were on his chest. "This wasn't here before." He whispered, examining the strange, long, horizontal bruise just between Owen's chest and stomach. Owen didn't respond. Ianto flashed him a look, then moved on, now checking for injuries more than working on warming him up. Owen took the shampoo, squeezing out a bit more than necessary, lathering it into Ianto's hair. The Welshman stopped what he was doing, moaning quietly.

He resisted the urge to let Owen continue, instead shaking his head and continuing to examine Owen. He couldn't see anything else out of the ordinary. A bruise on Owen's arm, but it could've been from last night, or the other day. Ianto shut his eyes, letting Owen pull him under the stream of water, washing the suds out of his hair, Owen's hands massaging his back.

* * *

Jack woke up, hearing a noise in the hub. He stood, walking out of his office, investigating, forgetting to put on a shirt. He leaned out of his office, looking down. Toshiko was at her desk, obviously in the middle of working on a program. Her phone was ringing, loudly. She protested out loud, halting the program and picking up her mobile. "Alex? Yes, alright….. six? I'll be there." Toshiko was still looking at the screen, typing with one hand. "K, be safe love…. Ha, I will!" Toshiko shut the mobile, setting it down, going right back to the program.

"Who was that?" Jack startled her, standing right behind her. Toshiko almost had a heart attack. "Jack! I'm um… working on refining the rift monitor, and still running a few things through the translator, you know, trying to better understand the Sleeper agent's language." Toshiko turned back to the screen, scrolling through a list of information.

"Didn't answer my question, Tosh." "Um, a friend. Just calling to say hello, see if we could get breakfast together. I needed to get this finished, so I came in a bit early." She explained. Jack nodded. "Sounded a little more friendly than just a friend." He smiled. Toshiko tried not to blush, keeping her mouth shut.

* * *

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	23. Bright as Day

_Jack was standing behind him, pushing him against the autopsy table, forcing him to bend over. Owen was struggling, fighting, but the immortal man behind him kept shoving, thrusting against him, one hand reaching around Owen, touching him…_

Owen jerked awake, eyes wide, shaking, half fear, half memory. Ianto was watching him, concerned, a coffee in his hand. "Bad dream?" He asked. Owen nodded, accepting the mug, taking a long swallow of Ianto's delicious coffee.

"Tosh won't be coming in until this afternoon." Jack called across the Hub. "Owen, make sure you finish the paperwork for yesterday, Ianto, in my office." The Captain stepped into his office, waiting. Owen looked to Ianto, waiting for him to go. The Welshman hesitated, then planted a kiss on Owen's head, turning away.

* * *

"Yes, sir?" Ianto was practically standing at attention; he was all clean suit and tense posture. "I'm almost done with everyone's summaries of what happened while I was gone." Jack explained. "But I want to know, on a more personal level, how you all coped." Jack was sitting at his desk, watching Ianto carefully. "So tell me, how did you cope? Anything you want to talk about?" Jack leaned back in his chair, waiting for an answer.

"You left us without any direction, sir. But we sorted it out. We made mistakes. But we pulled through. Always will." Ianto answered automatically. Jack frowned. "Ianto, I want to know how to fix this. Fix us." "I'm not interested, sir." "Yan, I don't mean like that. Please, just listen," Jack pleaded. Ianto turned, exiting the room.

* * *

Alex looked up from the drink she was making, looking over the bar, counting the customers, judging how many of them would be left for her to clean up after once it was closing hours. There was a decent crowd, plenty of music, the dancing wasn't turning to sex as quickly as it did on Saturday nights. Alex made her way down the bar, checking on each inebriated customer. She slowed, recognizing a face. "Owen?" She asked.

He looked up, surprised. "Oh. Alex?" He struggled to match her face to the name, he'd had a few too many. "Yeh. Nice to see you again. Where's tall and handsome?" She asked. "Ianto's still at work. Something about talking to Jac- our boss." Owen explained. Alex looked confused. "Thought he was missing?" "He came back. Not too long ago. Probably would explain to you why Tosh's been busy." Owen took another gulp of his drink, feeling the warm alcohol run down his throat, burning. "She doesn't talk about it much." Alex murmured.

"Yeh, it's the nature of the beast. We've a colleague who's married, her husband was let in just a bit, he nearly got killed. It's best to keep life and work separate. If you can." Owen took another drink. Alex nodded, counting a few empty glasses around Owen. "I know, but just can't help but worry... Are you alright? Reason why you're trying to drown yourself in that?" She said abruptly. Owen set the drink down. "Not everyone's happy Jack's back." He admitted. "It's better now. We're in less danger. He protects us. But…. He was gone too long." Owen didn't care to elaborate. Alex probably knew enough already. "You can tell me." Alex pressed, taking away a few of the empty glasses, looking over the bar to ensure she wasn't needed else ware.

Owen mulled it over, a bit too drunk to really care what she knew, who he turned to. "Jack was Ianto's….. they.. I thought they loved each other. Sometimes Jack treated him badly, didn't give him attention, didn't think that maybe it hurt Ianto to see Jack with other people, not settling down, showing any affection or commitment." Owen stared at his drink. "When Jack left, something happened between Ianto and I. Now Jack's back, he can't accept… that who he worked so hard to get back to doesn't want him anymore." Owen traced the edge of his glass with a finger, looking up at Alex.

"So how's you and Tosh?" He asked. "It's interesting. I've never been into this whole domestic thing. And we both have work… I don't think she wants to stay. I mean she's happy, but…" Alex leaned against the bar, pushing her sleeves up. "I'm not sure what she wants, Owen." She admitted. Owen nodded. He pulled out his mobile, checking for a call from Ianto. He should head home so Ianto had someone to come home to. "Look, what's your number? Maybe it'd help both of us figure this out."

He genuinely liked Alex. Maybe she'd be good for Tosh. Help her relax a bit, come out of seclusion a bit more, smile more often. Alex nodded, reciting her number. "Great, thanks." Owen stood, his world swaying a little. "You need me to call a cab?" Alex asked. Owen shook his head. "Nah, I don't live that far from here. I'll walk." He turned, heading towards the exit. "Bye, Owen."

* * *

Ianto opened the door to Owen's apartment, holding the key tight. It meant a lot to him that Owen had gone through the trouble of getting him a key, making sure the Welshman was comfortable, even though they still hadn't planned on moving in together. He stepped inside, eyes widening when he saw the scene inside.

Some French song that Ianto couldn't recognize was playing. There were bags of groceries on the counter, Owen humming along to the music as he set about organizing the food, putting it away in respective cupboards. Ianto walked into the kitchen, eyes glued to the Londoner. He was stumbling a little, smelled of alcohol, and his drunken hum was getting dangerously close to godawful singing. Ianto stepped closer, taking Owen's arm. The Londoner turned, smirking in Ianto's face, nudging his nose against Ianto's. "Surprise." He whispered, kissing Ianto on the lips.

* * *

there ya go, a bit of cheering up. I was thinking of Madeleine Peyroux's song J'ai Duex Amours. Review?


	24. ThatChapterIWriteSoYouCanGetTo TheNextBi...

"Morning, Jack." Owen was working through a pile of paperwork, head down. Jack leaned over his desk, examining the doctor's scrawled handwriting. "You're up early." Jack commented. Owen shrugged, setting the paper into a pile of finished paperwork, skimming over the next page and signing it. "Ianto wanted to come in early. He's been busy in the archives." Owen replied. Jack perched on the desk, watching him work. "Whoa, is that new?" Jack was staring. "What?" Owen was concentrating on his work. "This." Jack reached out, touching Owen's skin, brushing over the piercing on his right ear. Owen twitched, tickled by the touch. "Yeh. It's an anniversary thing." Owen mumbled. Jack pushed off the table. "It's nice." He said, walking away.

* * *

Ianto smiled, toying with the piercing. "You didn't get your nipples done, did you?" He teased. Owen pushed him off, cocking his head to the side, eyes narrowing. "You knew I wouldn't. They're sensitive as fuck already. Don't need some prick ramming a needle through them." Owen growled. Ianto laughed, ducking his head, putting an arm around him. "Wait 'till you see what I got you…"

Jack cleared his throat. Ianto rolled his eyes, straightening and turning to face him. "Have either of you heard from Gwen?" He asked. "Nah. She's probably still got a stick up her arse after the whole Sleeper thing." Owen mused. Ianto nudged him in the ribs, eyes warning him to be quiet. Jack gave Owen a curious look, mix between amusement and frustration. He sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

* * *

Owen leaned his head against the wall of the weevil cage, peering in at Janet. The weevil was crouched in the corner, head between her knees. Owen ran a finger across the plexiglass, holding in a breath. He shut his eyes, thinking back. The day he'd caught Ianto kneeling on the floor of the med bay, cleaning with his bare hands, scrubbing bleach into the floor with a toothbrush and rag. Owen had pulled him to his feet, torn between screaming at him and kissing him. He'd ended up cleaning the mess, pulling Ianto into his arms, both of them holding back tears until Ianto had choked out a sob, blubbering quietly about Jack.

Owen exhaled, eyes opening, staring at the weevil. He ran a hand over his face, thinking. He'd lost track of the months. But somehow Ianto was still here. Owen pressed his lips together, wondering what made him stay. He felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist, holding him still. He relaxed into the touch, groaning slightly. He leaned his head back, turning to kiss Ianto- no. Jack. Owen twisted, but Jack held him firmly. "Jack. Let me go." He hissed. Jack smiled, leaning in. "No."

* * *

"I guess we should cancel the reservation." Ianto murmured, hand reaching into his pocket for his mobile. Owen grunted, watching the dinosaur fly out over the city. "How much chocolate left?" Jack asked over the comms. "Two more bars, Jack." Gwen said over comms. She'd come in late after a long and vicious row with Rhys. "I can stop by the store and pick some up on my way there." Tosh said over the comms. "Toshiko, just stay at the hub with Gwen, this shouldn't take the whole team. Besides, it's best you stay back, just in case something else comes up." Jack said.

"Who let it out anyway?" Owen growled, leaning back in his seat. He and Ianto had been leaving for their anniversary dinner plans when Myfanwy had escaped. "Well I was trying to feed her, didn't want Ianto to have to since he was leaving early." Gwen tried to explain. There was a collective sigh, crackling over the comms.

"CCTV shows she's headed North. Owen, Ianto, you've almost caught up to Jack. Ianto, take the next left, just in case Myfanwy turns that direction. There's a tall building that way, where she's likely to nest." Gwen informed them. "We're fucking lucky its cloudy, otherwise this'd be a nightmare." Owen growled. "Makes it bloody difficult for me to find though." Gwen complained.

Ianto turned the wheel hard, tapping the brakes. "Well how'd you catch it last time?" Gwen asked. "Well, Ianto and I lured her into a vacant warehouse and sedated her." Jack explained. "We're planning something pretty similar. Should take some time. And we've already used up a good amount of chocolate leading her towards a vacant building." Jack explained.

* * *

"I can't believe it took us three hours to catch our own bloody pet dinosaur." Owen growled angrily. Ianto smirked. "At least Jack promised to take it back to the Hub." He said. "So.. since our plans are ruined, we head back to mine?" Owen asked. Ianto nodded. "We'll still have plenty of time for a celebration." He murmured.

* * *

yeh it's short but there ya go.


	25. Loop

Ianto was sitting on the edge of Jack's desk, hands clasped in his lap. He let out a slow breath, eyes flitting over to Jack's coat. It was draped over a chair, carelessly. Ianto's hand twitched, remembering the feel of the coat under his hands, the warmth he'd felt when Jack had covered him with it last spring.

The door opened, Toshiko stepping in, surprised. "Ianto? Where's Jack?" She asked. Ianto shrugged, sitting up. "Went off somewhere. Didn't say a word." He said softly. Tosh blinked, mouth twisting in confusion. "But, I- oh, Ianto I'm sorry." She said, moving forward. Ianto nodded, looking somewhat dejected.

Tosh touched his hand, searching his face. "And Owen?" She asked. "Out with Gwen on the Plass. She's headed home, he was arguing with her about nothing." Ianto kept his face blank, voice level. "You want to come sleep over at mine? Door's always open. You shouldn't be here all alone." Toshiko shifted her satchel, letting go of Ianto's hand to adjust her coat. "Thank you, but no Tosh. You and Alex deserve a night alone." "Well actually she won't be home until the bar closes. And then she'll be exhausted." Tosh said honestly. "But really, don't worry about Jack. I'll check CCTV on my way out, if it makes you feel any better. See where he went." Toshiko offered.

Ianto forced a small smile. "Thank you, Toshiko." She smiled, nodded, and ducked out of the room.

* * *

"Fucking wanker!" Gwen cried, shoving Owen away. "Oi! I'm just trying to help here!" Owen protested. "Well it's none of your bloody business, you prick!" She snapped, throwing her car door open and flipping him the bird. "Fine then, hope you're having fun screwing the Captain behind your husband's back-!" Owen roared. Gwen started the car, revving the engine, turning the wheel hard and accelerating towards Owen. He scrambled back towards the Plass, Gwen managing to bump his leg with the car bumper. Owen cursed angrily, Gwen yelling vulgar insults at him through her window as she drove off.

* * *

Owen stumbled back into the Hub, brushing past Tosh angrily, ignoring her hurt and flustered look. He walked over to his desk, picking up his things, walking up to Jack's office. He knew Ianto would be here. Freaking out over the Captain's latest disappearance. And sure enough, here he was. Exactly how Owen had expected him to be. All except for one vital difference.

Ianto was shaking slightly, head bowed so that his face was shadowed. Owen stepped forward, head tilted to the side, watching, cautious. The Welshman's face was contorted, breaths coming in short gasps. He didn't notice Owen coming closer. He was too numb to feel the arms wrap around him, the whispered words of comfort, or the soft kiss on his temple. But he felt Owen pull him closer, allowing Ianto to lean into his touch, press his head against Owen's chest. Let it go.

* * *

sorry it's been a while, and it's short. should be updating more often now :) [review?]


	26. Sleeping Beauty

"Have you ever had the feeling you owe somebody somewhere  
a really good reason to live?  
To grow old?  
To be ninety-eight-and-a-half  
with a laugh like broken glass  
so whenever folks walk barefoot  
they'll get hidden pieces embedded in their souls?"

-Titanic, Andrea Gibson

* * *

The rain was pounding down on the glass, sliding down the window. Blankets pooled around the two sleeping men. Ianto's head was tucked underneath Owen's. Their hands were trapped between them, legs twisted in the sheets, the scent of Ianto's hair filling Owen's lungs.

Lighting flashed, thunder echoing through the room. Ianto sucked in a breath, tension building as the blinding light filled his vision. He tightened his grip on Owen, pressing closer, nose grazing Owen's neck.

Owen's phone went off. He rolled over, so that Ianto was spooning him, head on the back of his neck now. The Londoner reached out, knocking his phone off the side of the bed, growling, swearing as he fumbled for it. Ianto stirred.

"Fuck, what?" Owen yawned into his mobile. "Good morning to you too, Owen."

Jack's voice. Owen turned slightly. Ianto groaned in his sleep, forehead buried into Owen's spine. "What is it, Jack?" "Bit of Rift activity, I figured you and Ianto could check it out." "Jack , it's fucking 3AM, we got home two hours ago, why the bloody fuck is it so damn important you bastard." Owen had a bizarre talent of being able to cuss his boss out only seconds after waking up.

"It's probably just an alien artifact, but there's a chance it's biological. Gwen asked for tomorrow off, Tosh left just before you did, and you two are closer. Now stop asking questions and get the hell off your ass." Jack snapped.

Owen grumbled, snapping the phone shut, dragging himself out of bed. He'd be fine without Ianto. Sleeping Beauty could get a few more hours in before they both had to be at work. Owen leaned in, ruffling Ianto's hair, frowning slightly. Usually Ianto was a pretty light sleeper. Maybe he really needed this.

* * *

The road was covered in so many puddles that it may as well have been flooding. Owen splashed through it, picking up the pace. Jack had texted him the exact location, and he knew it. A spot just around the block from his flat- the flat that Ianto and him now shared. Owen smiled at the memory of moving the few boxes and things, packing his car to the roof and making it in one trip.

There was a light flashing in the distance, down a small alleyway. Owen double checked the text from Jack. Sure, this was a little off, but maybe the Rift wasn't always easy to read. Damn thing was probably alive anyway. Owen pulled out his stun gun, sneaking into the alley, cursing as the rain started falling heavier again. Rain hit the ground hard, causing water to burst from the puddles, like an upsidedown rain.

Owen shivered, zipping his coat up to the top, slowing down as he caught sight of the source of the light. Just a strobe light. The sort he'd seen on Halloweens as a kid. Owen walked towards it, curious. He heard footsteps and whirled around- too late.

* * *

Owen was gone. Wrinkled, twisted sheets, pillow on the floor. Ianto curled in towards himself, calling Owen's name softly. He wished that his instincts were wrong, that Owen was still there, that the Londoner was just being absurdly quieter than normal. No sound. No smell of hot breakfast, or the hiss of a hot morning shower. Owen wasn't swaggering in, towel wrapped around his waist, running a hand through his hair, teasing Ianto and dropping the towel.

The flat was empty. Clouds blocking out the rising sun. Ianto sat up, slowly getting out of bed, finding away around the room in the dark. He made it to the shower, alone. Pulled on his usual suit, dress shoes, then a coat because of the storm clouds. There was thunder in the distance.

Ianto turned to leave and then paused. He knelt down, trying to remember what to do with his hands when he prayed. He shut his eyes, breathing in. And prayed.

He didn't know what was different about that morning. Why he felt the urge to cling to that perhaps imagined supreme being. Why he ran to the spiritual shelter he rarely ever brushed by. But he stayed there, on his knees, reciting every prayer he knew, before he began to whisper, begging, pleading. For what, he didn't know.

* * *

The Hub was still. Jack stood by the cog door, leaning against the wall, tired. He shut his eyes, wishing sleep came to him as easily as it did for mortals. Toshiko sat at her computer, typing away. Ianto came in the Cog door, shadows under his eyes, deathly white paleness on his face. He didn't acknowledge Jack. Simply went to the coffee machine and went to work on making four coffees.

"I miss the sunlight. The way it would slip in through the smallest of cracks, pool on the ground, flood the air of the room. Why can't we go back to the good days, Ianto?" Owen was standing by the coffee machine, one hand resting on the counter. Ianto tried not to reveal how startled he was, instead sucking in oxygen and begging his heart to keep beating.

"Good morning." Ianto's tongue pressed the roof of his mouth, and Owen could imagine the exact degree of pressure, the taste of the dripping wetness, the heat and muscle pushing against that spot of Ianto's mouth. The same spot that he'd cut into just days ago, and couldn't remember how it had gotten there. The spot Owen longed to drag his tongue over, never let it heal. Owen imagined it was a place just for him. Perhaps the one piece of Ianto he could always have. Owen shut his eyes.

"Any particular reason you left?" Ianto had forgotten about the coffee. His eyes were on his lover. His fingers thinking of the way they'd felt lingering on Owen's collarbone last night. He wanted oh so badly to be playing with those sensitive nipples as he kissed his way up Owen's sternum. Draw a vertical line to his throat.

"Jack called. Spot of Rift activity, I didn't want to wake you." Owen shifted, looking at him. He could feel something different. The air seemed thick, dizzying. Ianto nodded, moving to the coffee machine, pulling the mugs out, his body language dismissing Owen. Owen moved to walk by him, brushing against him slightly. But the touch of skin on suit turned into something different. Ianto could feel Owen's breath on his skin. Fingers on his wrist. One arm around his waist, pulling him in. A kiss planted softly just on the edge of his collar, nose and lips brushing Ianto's skin.

Ianto stiffened. "He'll be angry." He said. Owen didn't say a word. He rested his chin on Ianto's shoulder, head tilting to rest against the other man's head. "You know you miss it too. The sun. It's never found a way down here. You know, it's bloody marvelous. How after thousands of years the Plass could crack, and a tiny seed find its way to uncovered soil. And the roots could reach lower than you'd believe, until one little root touched this place." Owen murmured. Ianto turned his head, eyes drooping shut as Owen caressed his thigh.

"And then this place wouldn't be so damn cut off from the world." Owen kissed him on the cheek, turning and walking away.

* * *

and that's it. please review


	27. Truth

Toshiko leant against the fridge, gripping her laptop tight to her chest. She shut her eyes, teeth catching on her lip, biting down hard. Fingers stroked down her cheek. "Love, it's just a couple days." Her lover murmured. Tosh nodded, suddenly unable to swallow down her emotions. She lifted her gaze, pupils dilated, teeth pressing down on her lip. "I'll be back. I swear." Alex leaned in, kissing Toshiko's nose, breathing softly against her cheek. "Tosh." She whispered. Tosh felt a hot tear slip down her cheek. Alex moved back, mouth open slightly. "Tosh what's-"

"Don't go." Toshiko whispered. "I want you to stay. Just for once. One day, just the two of us. I know we can't last forever, but at least give me twenty-four hours, I just…" Tosh burst out. She dropped her laptop down on the kitchen counter. Alex pulled her into a hug. Toshiko sniffed, trying to shove the emotions back down under her usual calm and reasoning persona. She pressed her ear against Alex's neck, listening to her strong pulse. The music of her lover inhaling, murmuring softly, hand running through Toshiko's hair.

* * *

Toshiko stepped into the Hub, resolved, strong, hand clenched in a fist, as if by gripping on tighter, she could hold every promise Alex ever gave, and never let her go. She was almost numb, walking on automatic to her desk, part of her still in the kitchen, kissing Alex goodbye. Praying desperately that Alex would come back home.

It was silly, really. Tosh tried to convince herself, her job was the dangerous one, not Alex. The beautiful woman wouldn't just walk out of her life or disappear. Toshiko tried to pull herself together. Alex lov- cared about her. She wouldn't leave.

Coffee was sitting in front of her, steaming. Toshiko took in a deep breath, realizing life was going on around her full speed, despite the crushing worry and childish insecurity rolling around in her chest. She sipped the coffee, crossing her legs, booting up her computer, flashing Owen a smile. His own smile faltered, turning into a grimace. Toshiko frown, leaving her beloved technology to join Owen on the couch. Owen moved over, quietly sighing. "Something wrong, Owen?" Toshiko pushed past her own problems, trying to focus on Owen, the way he fidgeted with his hands, eyes dark, thinking. "Yeh.. Look Tosh, it's not that I don't trust you, it's just, it's complicated and I don't think I should," "Owen. I'm here for you, remember?" Toshiko faced him. Owen nodded, squirming. "Thanks Tosh, but I don't think I can." "Owen, please" "Not here, allright?" Owen looked around, running a hand over his face. "Not right now." Owen stood, walking away.

Owen walked Toshiko out to her car. One more day with Jack back, Gwen fighting Owen's objections, pressuring him into doing another medical procedure he hated. Ianto back to his old, silent way. Sneaking strange looks at Owen, putting on a smile for Tosh.

Tosh unlocked her car, turning to face Owen now. He shook his head, wordless. "I want to know." Toshiko reminded him. "Allright, just… It's Jack." Owen had his hands shoved in his pockets, head tilted back, staring at the night sky. Toshiko shifted her weight, uncertain. "He's been… he wants Ianto back, you know? And, he's been. I dunno. Coming onto me." Owen let out a shuddering breath, backing away, not looking at her. Toshiko squinted in the dark. "Owen, has he- touched you?" "No! Yes. I…" Owen swallowed hard. "Maybe… maybe I want him. Maybe it's not just those goddamn pheromones. Maybe I really want him." Owen breathed in deep, trying to face the world around him. Toshiko wrapped her fingers around his wrist, feeling the tension in his clenched fist.

"You love Ianto." She said softly. Owen nodded, ducking his head. "I don't know what's happening, Tosh. I just want him to stop." He whispered. "You have to tell him, Owen. Don't let him in. He's hurt, by everything that's happened. Just don't hurt him more than you have to. And don't let him hurt you." Toshiko said.

* * *

Jack looked up, his office door swinging open. "What the Hell, Jack?" Toshiko hissed.

* * *

hate it? yeh i kinda do too. but there it is. let me know what you think. hope you don't mind Tosh and Alex, cuz I kinda love them.


	28. Scream and Stammer

Ianto was standing in the center of the living room, phone to his ear, back turned on Owen. The Londoner swallowed, watching Ianto shut the mobile, arm going limp at his side. The Welshman looked over his shoulder, looking at Owen, not meeting his eyes. He didn't say a word. Owen took a step back, then headed into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge, shutting the door. "Why didn't you tell me, Owen?" Ianto asked. Owen didn't respond. He found a bottle opener, cracked the lid open, and took a long sip. He felt the cold beer run down his throat. His fingers were wrapped tight around the chilled bottle.

Ianto stood still another moment, then snapped. "I'm tired of this Owen. The quiet and secrets and fear. I'm tired of trying to put you together and figure you out when you desperately don't want me to." Ianto advanced on him, hands clenching, then relaxing, over and over. "I'm tired of watching you fall apart. I'm finished with this, Owen. You're just dragging me down with you." Ianto walked towards the door, hand grabbing the handle, twisting.

"Wait." Owen's voice was uneven, unsure. Ianto pulled the door open, slowed but not stopped. "What did she tell you?" Owen asked. Ianto sighed. "I should have known. It was right in front of my fucking eyes." He shoved his hands deep into his pockets, hanging his head, leaning against the door frame.

"Ianto, please." Owen whispered. He'd come closer, hand reaching out to touch his lover. The Welshman looked at him, watched as Owen's fingers brushed over Ianto's coat. "I didn't want him. I was confused, you know how it is when-" "It's not that, Owen. I'm not angry at you for any of that. It's because you never turned to me for help. You never told anyone. You lied, you ignored the obvious concern I was showing, you don't even notice how much I care." Ianto went on. Owen stared at his neck, watching his Adam's apple bob slightly.

* * *

Owen tapped a number into his mobile, sitting on the edge of his bed. Behind him, Ianto slept soundly, curled in the blankets. The mobile tones rang, then ended abruptly. "Hello?" Alex's voice asked. "Hey Alex. Is Toshiko there?" Owen asked. "She's asleep. I was going to chuck her mobile out the window, but figured I should pick up, since it's you." Alex explained. "Oh. Sorry." Owen yawned, rolling his neck back. "I just wanted to talk to her. But I guess I could leave a message. Just, um... she told Ianto something that I'd been holding back about, and now he's a mess. It's my fault, but I'm angry with Tosh, even though I should be thanking her.." Owen pulled at the sheet, restless. "Hmm." Alex responded. "Yeh. It's a shitty situation." Owen kept his voice down, sneaking a glance at the sleeping Welshman. "Right, I'm going back to bed. Is Ianto still there?" Alex asked. "Yeh. Sound asleep in bed." "Night then. Thanks for calling. I'll let Tosh know what you said." "Thank you, Alex." Owen said. "Yep." Owen listened to her hang up, then sat there, listening to the tone.


	29. Bless You

_Sorry it's been a month. Well... life._

* * *

The priest bowed his head, intoning the same words that he had memorized almost a lifetime ago. They'd been driven into him by sheer repetition, before he'd even learned to read the Bible. His lips moved, voice smoothly drawing out the words to the prayer. His voice echoed through the chapel, reaching toward the back, where two men sat together, heads bowed, holding hands discretely. The worshipers in their pew were clasping their hands tightly together, fully absorbed in their own world, their own search for Christ, their own concerns.

Owen opened one eye, sneaking a look at Ianto. The Welshman was whispering the prayer under his breath, face peaceful. Owen smiled, too busy studying that pensive, perfect face to listen to the words being spoken by the priest.

* * *

Ianto tapped his foot against the floor, blinking. Jack spread his papers out, pushing a few towards Toshiko, who passed them out to the others. Ianto glanced at the paper, knowing already what was written on it. Owen was across the table from him, mouth covered by his mug of coffee. He raised his eyes to meet Ianto's, a flicker of amusement in his eyes. Ianto nudged his foot under the table, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

Without warning, Owen snorted into his mug, snickering. Jack stopped midsentence, put off by the rude interruption of his lecture. Owen ducked his head, trying to recover. "Go ahead, Jack." Toshiko encouraged him. Jack cleared his throat. Ianto met his gaze, holding up a flawless, innocent expression. Jack sighed, waiting for Owen to put on a straight face before he continued with the presentation.

* * *

Gwen had to cover her mouth when she walked past the autopsy bay. Low hisses and swears assaulted her ears. She leaned over the railing, peering down. Owen was leaning against the autopsy table, the last alien he'd dissected still rotting there. Tosh was washing out a small scratch on his jaw, courtesy of the last alien disturbance. He was hissing in distaste, complaining about the stinging pain. Toshiko kept pressing the antibacterial soaked gauze against his face, speaking too softly for Gwen to hear. Jack stood beside Tosh, arms folded across his chest. "Next time, let me handle the negotiations." He ordered. "Fuck Jack, it's not as if you were anywhere near. We thought you weren't coming." Owen rolled his eyes. Jack stepped past Tosh, voice deepening angrily.

Gwen folded her arms over the rail, bending so she could hear better. It hadn't been as dramatic as Jack made it out to be. Just a few new aliens that none of them knew how to deal with. She shut her eyes, listening to the team bicker, Owen shuffling around now, throwing medical equipment back into his med kit.

* * *

There was something warm and soft nuzzling his ear. Owen shut his eyes tighter, mumbling words muffled by the couch cushions. Ianto was nibbling at is ear, at the small metal piercing in his earlobe. Owen shoved his face deeper into the old couch, choosing to ignore the teasing, pleading words his lover was whispering. "Time to wake up, Owen. If we don't leave now, Jack won't let us come in late tomorrow." Ianto traced a muscle of Owen's neck with his tongue, lip brushing the Londoner's skin. Owen shivered, turning to face him, vision blurred. "..should give us the bloody day off. Rift's been quiet last few days." He managed to speak coherently at last. Ianto smirked, pulling at Owen, trying to convince him to get off the couch. "I don't want to have to carry you home. I'm sore from all the field work Jack makes me do." He complained. Owen smiled, enjoying how a bit of his own complaining had somehow rubbed off on Ianto.

Toshiko brushed past the pair, heading out the cog door, calling a goodbye over her shoulder. Owen attempted some sort of response that ended in him stumbling off of the sofa, balancing himself with a hand on Ianto's shoulder. Ianto was blushing for some reason, and he quickly pulled Owen after him, toward the cog door.

"What's the rush?" Owen followed after him, picking his coat up off the couch. ""s cold out. And we need to get a decent night's sleep, on a decent mattress." Ianto said patiently. Owen hurried after him like an obedient kid, running and grabbing Ianto's hand to force him to slow down.

* * *

It wasn't half an hour before the Owen was sitting on the edge of his bed, drinking hot chocolate, Ianto spread out of the bed, behind him. Ianto's hand was tracing Owen's shoulder blade through his t-shirt. Owen sipped his hot chocolate, staring out the window at the dark night sky. He finished the last of the drink, setting down on the floor before turning to look at Ianto. He reached over, hand joining the Welshman's. Their eyes met, unspoken feelings acknowledged. Ianto shut his eyes. Owen slid into bed, tangling himself in the taller man's limbs.

* * *

_Want me to continue?_


	30. Confession

Dashing Hero- Thanks for the review. Sorry I've been vague and lazy about those points, I'll try to clear things up a bit in this chapter.

* * *

_I want a lover I don't have to love_  
_I want a boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk_  
_And where's the kid with the chemicals?_  
_I got a hunger and I can't seem to get full_  
_I need some meaning I can memorize_  
_The kind I have always seems to slip my mind_  
_-Lover I Don't Have to Love by Bright Eyes_

* * *

Toshiko wiped her glasses on her shirt, placing them back on her nose, eyes narrowed. The laptop sat on her knees, screen nauseatingly bright. She looked over the top of the screen, across the table at Alex. Her girlfriend was asleep, arms folded on top of the table, forehead resting on top of them. Toshiko pulled her knees up closer, shutting the laptop, her feet helping keep her perched on the chair. She wiggled her toes, breathing in.

Toshiko tugged at Alex's arm, waking her. Alex lifted her head slightly, disoriented. Toshiko planted a kiss on her temple, hand on her neck. "Bedtime?" Alex asked. Toshiko bit her lip, nodding. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you wait up for me." She said. Alex smiled, twisting her head to kiss Toshiko's wrist, eyes looking up at her lover. "Couldn't have slept without you anyway." She murmured.

She followed Toshiko into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her, slipping her pants off. She headed towards the bed, watching Toshiko slip her shirt off her head, hair messed. Alex knelt on the bed, reaching a hand out to pull Toshiko down onto the mattress beside her.

* * *

Owen frowned in his sleep, tightening his grip on Ianto's hand. The Welshman opened his eyes, watching Owen twist away from him. Ianto sat up, turning to face him, squeezing Owen's hand. The Londoner sucked in a breath, grumbling under his breath. He looked over his shoulder at Ianto. "Owen. We need to talk." Ianto murmured. Owen held in a dramatic sigh, but let go of Ianto's hand and rolled over to face him. "About what?" He asked. "This. Us." Ianto said firmly. Owen's lips formed a silent "Oh."

"You keep pushing me away. Sometimes I think you love me, but sometimes you just want a good fuck, and I don't think I can tell the difference anymore." Ianto said quietly. Owen looked up at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I thought we were both just looking for what we needed. I don't know; maybe just a warm body, maybe someone to come home to. But either way, I need to know how you feel about me. About this." Ianto finished, swallowing.

Owen dropped his gaze, reaching for Ianto's hand, to comfort him, reassure him in some small way. Ianto moved his hand out of Owen's reach. The Londoner's dark eyes shot up, meeting Ianto's gaze, questioning him.

"I've always wanted you. At least a part of me did. I didn't want to admit it, but I was jealous of that bastard. Jack always jerking your chain, keeping you on a tight leash, giving you orders. I wanted to be the one kissing you. I wanted to see what would happen if you were let off that leash. If Jack stopped controlling you, and you stopped letting him." Owen whispered. "Yeh, sometimes it's just sex. Sometimes I don't want to feel a damn thing, Ianto. I just want to forget the world, forget anything I feel about you and just drown it all in one jacked up screw on the couch." He admitted. "I know it's screwed up. And I'm… I'm sorry for whatever that's done to you. I just don't know how to do this properly anymore. A… committed relationship." Owen shut his eyes, dropping his head back down onto the pillow.

Ianto hesitated, watching Owen breath in the dim light. "Owen, I need to know what happened between you and Jack." He pushed. Owen licked his lips, nodding. "We had a thing, once. Just for a few nights, before I'd started with Suzie." He murmured. Ianto squeezed his eyes shut, slamming his head back down onto his pillow. "Dammit, you _have_ fucked everyone on the team." He sighed. Owen snorted softly. "Tosh is still safe. Anyway, it wasn't a lasting engagement, just a few times. And sometimes I initiated it." Owen explained. "But I started turning him down, and he let it go. We hadn't done anything together in ages, until he came back. He didn't really take advantage of me he just…"

Owen drifted off, not sure how to continue. Not sure if he could. Ianto reached out, squeezing his hand. "I took you away from him. Left him with nothing. And when he tried to start something between us, I pushed him away at first. But honestly, part of me keeps breaking when he comes close. And I remember what we had, and I don't want to leave him there, so alone. I know he's lived too long, Ianto. He's been hurt so many times, and he's still here. So he pushes me a bit farther, and then I give in. He's really not as bad as Tosh thinks. It's my fault." Owen admitted.

Ianto stared up at the ceiling, Owen's words chilling him. "Did he hurt you or not." "It was nothing we hadn't done before. I fought it at first, but I ended up giving what he wanted, just sucked him off a few times, and then he stopped." Owen explained. Ianto looked at him, a pained look on his face. "Why didn't you tell me?" "I didn't want you involved. Jack's different. He doesn't have anyone to turn to right now, he doesn't see relationships the same as we do, I think he really just wanted someone to know. To listen, to feel how fucked up he felt, just for a moment. That's why we got together way back then. Mutual need and this twisted way of using sex to escape, even to hurt." Owen explained.

Ianto swallowed hard, his mind settling down, some of the answers finally making some sense. "Ianto?" Owen moved closer, unsure. Ianto took a deep breath, and then turned, pulling Owen into a hug. He held the smaller man close, fingers clenching, twisting the fabric of Owen's shirt. He buried his head under Owen's neck, inhaling sharply, and tasting Owen's familiar scent. "Sorry." Owen said again. Ianto shook his head, burrowing into Owen's embrace. "Doesn't matter. You're here now." He assured him. Owen bowed his head, at an awkward angle. He settled for kissing Ianto's ear, whispering a promise in his ear. Ianto fell asleep in his arms.


	31. Trembling Hands

**"The bad news is we don't have any control.**  
**The good news is we can't make any mistakes." **  
**-Chuck Palahniuk, _Survivor_**

* * *

Tosh dug her fingers into the purse, searching for the spare key. Alex laughed, standing a few steps below her. She reached back, knocking the back of Toshikos' knee, causing the woman to yelp, fighting to regain her balance. Alex pulled hard, until Toshiko gave into gravity, allowing Alex to pull her up onto her shoulders. She perched there, out of breath, hands gripping tight at Alex's short thick hair. She laughed shakily, and then shifted, unbalancing Alex and nearly falling off.

Alex stumbled, and then straightened her back, walking straight toward the road, past her car. "Wha- where are we going?" Toshiko gasped. "Taking you to work, sunshine." Her lover responded, innocently. "But- that's more than five blocks, you can't know where it is, and you can't carry me the whole way," "Is that a challenge?" Alex cocked her head, managing to catch a glimpse of Toshiko's blush before she had to focus on where she was going, and how to balance the woman on her shoulders. "You don't even know which way to go." Toshiko argued, slipping her fingers through Alex's hair, covering up her eyes. Alex protested loudly, but kept walking straight, hands holding onto Toshiko's ankles firmly. Toshiko thanked God she hadn't worn a skirt today. It was embarrassing enough walking down the street, people staring, Toshiko's thighs around Alex's neck.

She stopped covering Alex's eyes, just in time to avoid stepping off the sidewalk. Alex grumbled, but kept walking, refusing to let her down. "You don't even weigh a stone more than I do!" Toshiko held on tight to anything she could reach, which was now the collar of Alex's shirt. "So?" Alex kept walking, apparently unconcerned that she was carrying all of Toshiko's weight, plus a laptop, on her shoulders. Toshiko groaned, surrendering to the inevitable. "You'll have to turn left up here."

* * *

Jack looked into Janet's cage, watching her sit on the ground, staring back at him unblinkingly. He pushed his hands deeper into his coat pockets, leaning closer, entranced by the bottomless black stare. Owen cleared his throat. Jack jumped, startled. "Jesus, Owen, what are you doing?" He demanded. Owen held up two mugs of coffee, one obviously intended for Jack.

"Ianto's still busy cleaning up that mess of a dissection from last night; I figured you could use some of his Industrial Strength Coffee." Owen said, offering one. Jack accepted the mug, expression slightly wary. There were dark circles under his eyes, which Owen couldn't help but wonder about. His Captain never seemed to need sleep, so maybe this was just stress or exhaustion. He considered the risks of giving Jack a medical examination-

"Thank you, Owen. I was just um… checking in on Janet." Jack tried to find some valid explanation, but came up empty-handed. Owen nodded, and then turned to go. "Owen," Jack bit out. "Jack?" Owen turned back to face him. Jack stared, seeing the uncertainty, hesitation, loyalty, bleeding from his the depths of his expression. So often covered up by the snarky, callous mask. "I meant that. Thank you." Jack repeated, emphasizing his words with a sincere, almost passionate look. Owen stood still, as if waiting for something. "You- you want me to," He swallowed, distress and uncertainty obvious in his expression. Jack took a sip of the coffee, shrugging.

"It's up to you, Owen. Does Ianto know yet?" Jack said. "N-yes. I told him last night." "And? How'd he react?" Jack swallowed down a few more gulps before the heat became too much. "He wasn't angry. Just accepted it, like he'd been craving the honesty-ah" Owen was cut off midsentence, caught off guard by Jack stepping forward, hand slipping under Owen's shirt, up along his hip. Owen hissed, hand shaking, fighting his instinct to pour the hot coffee on Jack's hand, give him a nasty burn to teach him to leave well alone- and then that option was gone. Jack pinned him against the wall, the mug slipping to the floor, crashing. Owen watched it fall as if it were his last hope in a world, cracking and breaking, hot liquid splashing up his pant leg. Jack was breathing heavily, hot on Owen's neck. His body was close. Something Owen was drawn to, yet terrified of in the same breath. "Jack…" He whispered. His captain leaned in, wanting to taste the pale, vulnerable skin, a sensitive spot below Owen's ear that could weaken the Londoner's knees, make him moan.

Owen resisted, struggling to pull his hand from Jack's grip. Jack leaned closer, putting his weight into keeping him pressed against the wall. Jack kissed Owen's neck, then bit down hard, sucking at the tender skin, hard enough to bruise. Owen shut his eyes, feeling a familiar, solid warmth pressing against his leg. "Jack, let go." He said through gritted teeth. Jack pulled back, just enough to face him. "What's changed? You used to like this, Owen. Losing control. Did you fall in love, Owen? Are you going soft? You think Ianto really needs you? Think he even _wants_ you?" Jack kissed him hard, pushing his tongue against Owen's teeth, searching for a way inside. Owen bucked, trying to break away, but Jack just took it as a sexual reaction. He pulled away, half a smile on his face. "He can't make you feel like this, Owen." He reminded his employee, voice low. "Yeah. And that's exactly why I need him." Owen said firmly. He kneed Jack in the groin swiftly, breaking free and taking a few steps away. "I can't do it anymore, Jack. I can't be what you want. I'm not the same kid you found searching for a reason to live. I can't be here for you to fall back on." Owen bit his tongue hard, feeling the sharp pain, the distinct taste of Jack in his mouth. "I'm sor- I'm not.." Owen shook his head, walking away.

* * *

Ianto walked into the tourist office, cog door closing behind him. He looked around, realizing the place had fallen into disarray in the last few months. He didn't spend much time in here anymore. He'd been out more time with the rest of the team, doing some fieldwork, making extra coffee, trying to hide or clean or get paperwork filed. He hadn't even had enough time to come in here and really clean the place out in the last couple weeks. Ianto frowned, thinking in his head of all work he'd let go recently in favor of spending time with the team.

The door to the tourist office flew open, loud laughter flooding in. Ianto cocked his head up, startled. Toshiko was on Alex's shoulders, wobbling, the woman beneath her stumbling with laughter. Ianto shifted, strategically placing himself between the cog door and the couple. Alex bent down, allowing Toshiko to step off gracefully. "Morning, Ianto!" Toshiko said cheerfully, beaming, bangs falling just above her eyes.

"Did you ride her all the- ah- I mean did she carry you all the way from your flat?" Ianto stammered. Toshiko laughed, shaking her head. "I had to try carrying her, it didn't work out, so we walked half the way." She explained. Alex stayed beside her, taking her hand, smiling. "Good to see you, Ianto." She greeted him. Ianto nodded. "Toshiko?" He asked, at a loss. "Oh, right. We thought maybe Alex could come in, look around, meet everyone?" Toshiko leaned in, speaking softly. "We could retcon her afterwards." She whispered. Ianto raised an eyebrow. "Not to be disrespectful, but the last time you brought a woman through this door, things didn't really go so well." He recalled. Toshiko's face fell, bright eyes dimming. Ianto shifted, uncertain. "Please, Ianto I need this favor. She won't leave it alone, I couldn't shake her, and well, I feel I owe it to her. You don't understand… Owen's always worked here, he knows how it is. Gwen's brought Rhys around before, and I'm sure Jack wouldn't be opposed to"

The cog door opened, Owen stepping out, hair disheveled, bright red mark on his neck. "Hey, Tosh- Alex?" Owen stopped, now standing beside Ianto. He looked to his lover for direction. "Is it 'Bring your significant other to work day'?" He asked, straight faced. Ianto shrugged. Owen looked to Tosh. "You sure she's not an alien?" He asked her. Toshiko blushed, nodding. "And see? No creepy necklace." She gestured to herself. Owen twisted his lips, unsure. Ianto stared at the mark on his neck. It was darkening, just the perfect shape for a hickey. Ianto sucked a breath in, then turned, walking back into the hub through the open cog door. Toshiko flashed a smile at Owen, then walked right past him, pulling Alex along after her by the hand.

* * *

Owen rushed to Ianto, catching him at Gwen's desk. "Ianto, what," He reached out, trying to pull Ianto back. The Welshman whirled on him, eyes dark, angry. "I thought you were done. I thought it was over, what the fuck," He snapped. Owen flinched. "Ianto what" "What the hell is this, Owen?" Ianto demanded, stepping closer, fingers touching the darkening bruise on Owen's throat. Owen shivered at the contact. "You let him touch you. You let him, you've been fucking him, haven't you?" Ianto's voice trembled, a wave of emotion surging through him. Owen twisted his head, keeping an eye on the girls. Toshiko was showing Alex the med bay. "Fuck's sake Ianto, I didn't, we didn't. Now keep your voice down, Tosh has got enough going on without us screaming at each other." Owen hissed.

Ianto swallowed, eyes glistening with unshed tears. He hung his head, breath coming in gasps. "Not like it matters, Alex won't remember in a couple hours anyway. And Tosh knows." He hissed. "Ianto, I swear to you, I didn't let him do anything, it was just this and a stupid kiss, I'm sorry." Owen let out a shaky breath. Ianto nodded, face screwed up in a pained expression. "Ianto? Look at me, love. Please." Owen reached out tentatively, wanting to touch his face.

Jack came up the steps, turning the corner to see Owen whispering to Ianto, inches away from him. Toshiko and Alex sitting on the steps that led up to Jack's office, holding hands. He shook his head, choosing to ignore the two confused men, walking over to the lesbian couple.

"Morning Toshiko, Alex. Something you'd like to explain to me?" Jack asked. "I'm just showing her the place. We can just wipe her memory later, right?" Toshiko looked up at Jack, trying her best to plead with her eyes. Jack opened his mouth to argue, and then promptly shut it. They'd survived without him, probably made much worse decisions than this. If it was worth it to Tosh, maybe he should respect that. He nodded, then walked past them, into his office.

* * *

_Let me know what you think._


	32. Warming Chill

Owen stood in the doorway, waiting for Ianto to finish up in the shower. Somehow, they'd managed to slip out of work a few hours early. Owen guessed it was Jack's way of apologizing, Tosh's way of thanking them for turning a blind eye to the scene she'd made with Alex, added to Gwen's guilt for sleeping in and coming in late recently. Owen had been the one to administer the retcon, and assure Toshiko that her partner would stop asking those endless questions about work.

The sound of water running ended abruptly, a few moments of silence before Ianto pulled the door open, toweling his hair off, boxers low on his hips. Owen licked his lips subconsciously, watching Ianto approach. "Now tell me these plans you've been keeping to yourself." Ianto pressed, walking into Owen so that the Londoner was pushed out of the doorway, into the bedroom. Owen's lips twitched. He moved to step out of Ianto's way, watching him gather some clothes, pull on a pair of faded denim. "Swear you won't laugh?" Owen murmured. Ianto picked up a pair of socks, shrugging in answer.

* * *

The computer was in the process of rebooting, only the rift monitor still up and running. Toshiko sat at her desk, turned to face Jack. He leaned against her desk, arms crossed. "Gwen told me you've been seeing Alex for a while now." He spoke evenly, trying to keep the conversation light, away from more serious topics. Toshiko smiled, tired. "Yes. It hasn't really been a problem until recently, she's gotten curious about work. After a- a few incidents, she didn't feel I was safe here..."

Toshiko lowered her gaze,drifting off into thought. Jack nodded. "Understandable. I don't have a problem with how you dealt with it. I don't know how you could have handled it any better than you did. I just want you to know you can talk to me. If it happens again, or if the two of you get in trouble, just let me know." Jack explained. "..Sorry I didn't tell you before, I just didn't think it was appropriate." Toshiko said softly. She reached up, tying her hair back into a bun, fingers quick and decisive in their movements. "What about you, Jack? What's happened to you? How long were you really gone?" All the questions he'd refused to answer for her besides those vague excuses about finding his Doctor. Toshiko couldn't help but ask again. Jack hesitated, then nodded, deciding she deserved to hear a bit more of an explanation.

* * *

Ianto stared at Owen, rather what he held in his hand, trying to hold back the cutting, comical remarks about the whole situation. "Oh bullocks, just put them on, Ianto." Owen shoved the pair into the Welshman's arms, jaw hardening.

Ianto shook his head in wonder. "I just. Never really saw you as such a romantic, Owen." He felt a strange smile cross his face. He sat down, untying his shoes, watching Owen in a similar position seated on the bench across from him. "Shut up, tea boy." Owen snapped, ears red, from the cold or from embarrassment Ianto didn't know.

Ianto slipped his feet into the ice skates, lacing them up, following Owen out onto the ice rink. He fumbled a bit, getting his footing, hand reaching out for the wall automatically. Owen caught his arm, balancing him. Ianto exhaled, trying to steady himself. He leaned against Owen, letting himself be guided farther onto the ice.

The sun was setting, sky darkening, perhaps ten other people skating around the rink at their own speed. Ianto gripped Owen's arm tighter than was really necessary. Hesitantly, he let go, moving under his own power now. He felt Owen's eyes on him. "How long's it been?" Owen wondered aloud. Ianto watched the ice in front of him suspiciously, figuring out slowly how to control the speed by sliding his feet forward one at a time, not wanting to lift his feet off the ground. "Not since Uni." He responded, trying to shake out of his mind the image of Owen attempting to seduce some brown haired, voluptuous medical student with nothing but a date at an ice rink. Owen slowed his pace to match Ianto's, keeping a hand close to Ianto's side, just in case.

"There was a place close to where I lived, before I joined Torchwood." Owen murmured. _Before Katie died_ went unsaid. Ianto looked up from the ice, watching Owen spin sharply, skating backwards, gaining speed. Owen seemed to be pushing through memories, focusing on the story he wanted to tell Ianto, the hidden piece of his history he was surrendering to Ianto. "We- I wanted to show her some shitty romantic side of me that didn't really exist, but then it turned out I was actually decent at it..." Owen felt a blush rise to his cheeks, despite the cold. "It was something I hadn't done since I was a kid, didn't think I'd be any good at it." Owen admitted, a bit embarrassed at all he was sharing. Ianto saw a touch of pain in the Londoner's dark brown eyes. He reached out, taking Owen's hand in his. "Show me?" He murmured, curious. Owen jerked his head to the side, laughing at the request. Ianto bit his lip, sincere.

* * *

Toshiko blinked owlishly, humbly overwhelmed by the words coming out of Jack's mouth. She stood, somewhat awkward, then rushed to hug him, ducking her head to his shoulder. Jack held onto her, surprised by her reaction, her wordless acceptance. She accepted it, despite the censored explanation, the unspoken apology for vanishing, even those actions he couldn't explain to himself, let alone to Toshiko.

She pulled back, still in Jack's embrace, her usual timid smile brightening her face, head tilted slightly. "I'm happy you came back." She said honestly. Her smile widened when she saw the thanks shining in Jack's eyes. He looked at her, surprised that his first genuine 'welcome back' was from Toshiko of all people. Sure, they'd all given him attention, odd looks, endless questions, but it really meant something to him to hear Toshiko say it so honestly. "So am I." Jack murmured.


End file.
